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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25229959">Consequences</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/siriusly_stoopid/pseuds/siriusly_stoopid'>siriusly_stoopid</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Hurt Remus Lupin, James Potter is a Good Friend, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Reader-Insert, Remus Lupin &amp; Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Sad Sirius Black, Sirius Black &amp; James Potter Friendship, Sirius Black &amp; Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Sirius Black as Padfoot, Slow Burn, Werewolf Remus Lupin, Young James Potter, Young Peter Pettigrew, Young Severus Snape, Young Sirius Black</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:42:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>20,850</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25229959</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/siriusly_stoopid/pseuds/siriusly_stoopid</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>At Hogwarts, (Y/N) is an Animagus alongside her best friends, the Marauders. Every month, they sneak out to the Shrieking Shack to deal with their friend Moony's "furry little problem." She couldn't be happier with her life and casual romance with heartthrob Sirius Black. Until a prank goes wrong and (Y/N) gets bit, and her life is changed forever. Together, she and Sirius must find a way to navigate their feelings through never-before-seen challenges while working to keep the Marauders together and to restore Remus' faith in himself.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sirius Black &amp; Reader, Sirius Black &amp; Remus Lupin &amp; Peter Pettigrew &amp; James Potter, Sirius Black/Original Female Character(s), Sirius Black/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>92</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Just Friends</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>      Sirius slumped against the base of the large tree, shaking the hair out of his eyes and lighting the cigarette that dangled from his lips. He took a long drag and rested the back of his head on the trunk, watching the smoke billow upwards and dissipate into the night sky. The Black Lake glistened under the moonlight, small waves lapping gently against the shore. Distant howls and moans echoed from the Forbidden Forest and the tree branches creaked and shuttered above him.</p><p>      As Sirius appreciated the serene view surrounding him, footsteps approached down the grassy hill and towards the tree. With one last drag off the cigarette, Sirius put it out in the dirt and stood to greet the visitor.</p><p>      “Hey you,” Sirius purred, pulling you into a tight hug. You inhaled, the scent of old leather, cologne, and stale smoke greeting your nostrils.</p><p>      “I thought I told you to stop smoking those things,” you chuckled as you both sat down under the canopy of branches.</p><p>      “You did, but you’re still going to ask me for one aren’t you?” Sirius retorted, pulling the pack out of his coat pocket and removing a cigarette for himself before turning the box to you, offering you one.</p><p>      You rolled your eyes and took one, you never could resist once he got you hooked on those things.</p><p>      “You know me all too well,” you lit your cigarette and took a drag. You both sat in contemplative silence for a few moments, clouds of smoke surrounding you every few seconds.</p><p>      “So, what’s up? Why’d you want me to meet you here?” you questioned.</p><p>      “Does there have to be a reason?” Sirius asked in a mock-offended tone, putting his arm around your shoulder and pulling you close to him. “Can’t I just want to spend time with my girl?”</p><p>      The warmth of his body seemed to radiate off of him and engulf you, causing your heart to skip a beat. Despite your physical reaction, you had to stop yourself from laughing at Sirius’ absurd statement.</p><p>      “Your girl? That’s a new one. Not in your wildest dreams.”</p><p>      “Damn, I really thought that would work,” Sirius laughed, chucking his cigarette butt into the grass.</p><p>      “Really though, did you want to talk to me about something or did you just want to see if I would come up to bed with you again?”</p><p>      “I really did just want to see you, (Y/N), I swear. All pure intentions here. You’ve been so busy, I feel like I never see you anymore.”</p><p>      “I know, I’m sorry. Classes have been kicking my ass recently. I haven’t even started McGonagall’s essay yet.”</p><p>      “C’mon (Y/N), NEWTs aren’t even until next year, what’s all this studying for?”</p><p>      You gave Sirius a pointed look, taking one last hit off your cigarette before throwing it as well.</p><p>      “Listen, we can hang out this weekend, I promise. Let’s get drunk, I need to destress," you suggested.</p><p>      Sirius’ bright gray eyes met yours as his face erupted into a large smile. You returned the expression as you admired his handsome features, the sharp curves of his cheekbones enhanced by the glowy light of the moon.</p><p>      “Perfect. I’ll be looking forward to it,” Sirius responded.</p><p>      A few more seconds of silence passed as you enjoyed the moment, the cool air on your face and Sirius’ strong arm wrapped around your shoulders, keeping you warm.</p><p>      “You look beautiful tonight, by the way,” Sirius commented flirtatiously.</p><p>      “I know,” you said jokingly. “You do tell me practically every day.”</p><p>      “Just being honest, love. You know I could never tell a lie.”</p><p>      “Very funny, Sirius.”</p><p>      Sirius reached out a hand and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, before putting his fingers under your chin and gently turning your head so you were looking at him. He stared at you intensely as your heart began to quicken.</p><p>      “You’re beautiful, (Y/N). Truly. You know I think so.”</p><p>      You didn’t respond, just gave a meek smile and held eye contact. You never did get tired of those eyes.</p><p>      Before you knew it, Sirius had closed the distance between you two and his lips met yours. He paused for a moment, allowing you to reciprocate, which you did without hesitation. His hand trailed delicately from your face down to your waist as he deepened the kiss with a loving fierceness, butterflies now erupting in your stomach. You ran a hand through his long hair and let it rest on the nape of his neck as his tongue parted your lips and entered your mouth with passionate hunger. Sirius brought his hand up to your breast and squeezed it gently before breaking the kiss and moving his mouth to your exposed neck.</p><p>      “So it really was just to get me to come to bed with you, huh?” you questioned breathlessly, your heart racing.</p><p>      “No way, the making out is just a benefit,” Sirius responded between the kisses he was now trailing down your neck and collarbone, hand still on your breast.</p><p>      “Well you sure do know my weaknesses, Black.”</p><p>      Sirius gave a sly laugh before leaning in to kiss you again, which you returned happily. As much as Sirius Black annoyed you, you sure did have a soft spot for him. You found yourself in his bed after long nights more times than you would have liked, although it always seemed to happen again. The flirting between you two was endless, but you weren’t stupid. You knew what kind of man Sirius was, and you weren’t going to allow yourself to get hurt by him. The Marauders were your closest, and pretty much only, friends, and you weren’t willing to jeopardize that by indulging Sirius any more than you already were. There was an unspoken agreement between you two, your relationship was flirtatious banter and occasional sex, and that was it. You didn’t have feelings for him. You couldn’t.</p><p>      Soon enough, you and Sirius had gotten up from your spot under the tree and he was practically dragging you up the hill towards the castle, your hand in his.</p><p>      You laughed and joked with him as you approached the building, before stopping right outside the door. Sirius pulled you close and planted another kiss on your lips before putting a finger to his smiling mouth, indicating that you had to be quiet sneaking back into the castle.</p><p>      You rolled your eyes a bit and nodded, as if you two weren’t very experienced in sneaking in and out of Hogwarts at all hours of the day.</p><p>      The walk back to Gryffindor Tower was uneventful, despite having to duck into empty classrooms a couple of times in order to avoid Filch’s prying eyes. The Common Room was dimly lit by the remaining embers burning quietly in the fireplace, and Sirius headed directly towards the boys’ dorm.</p><p>      You followed him up the narrow staircase, hand still interlocked with his. You paused on the landing at the top and Sirius turned to look at you.</p><p>      “Are you sure you want to do this? No pressure, of course. I won’t be upset if you say no,” Sirius stated matter-of-factly.</p><p>      “Trust me, I would let you know if I didn’t. Can we shut up and go to bed already?” you responded. You were growing more impatient by the second, eager to get started.</p><p>      Sirius gave you one of his stunning smiles, and brought you directly to his bed, both of you tiptoeing and laughing quietly. He pushed you down fiercely and immediately began kissing you again, pausing only to close the bed curtains and cast a quick <em>Muffliato</em> charm to ensure no one was awoken by your activities.</p><p>      Sirius Black had whisked you off your feet once again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The Marauders</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>      You awoke the next day to an unusually quiet room. You rubbed your bleary eyes and pulled back the curtains of Sirius’ bed, squinting at the bright light that shined through the window. Your stomach dropped. It was way too bright for it to be 9am. You had definitely missed breakfast and at least some of your first class. </p><p>      “Fuck. Sirius, get up. No one woke us. We’re late,” you said, giving him a quick shake before jumping out of bed. Sirius groaned and pulled his pillow over his head. You hurriedly pulled on the pants you were wearing last night before searching around for your bra. You found it half-concealed under Sirius’ bed and shoved it in your pocket.    </p><p>      “Get up!” you yelled, throwing a pillow at Sirius. You only got another groan in response. </p><p>      “I’m getting my stuff from my dorm, you better meet me down there,” you demanded, rushing off to collect your bag and robes from your room. </p><p>      A couple short minutes later, you were waiting impatiently in the Common Room for Sirius to come downstairs, ever aware of the passing seconds. It was almost 10am, and McGonagall would surely chew you out for being so late. </p><p>      Finally, you heard trudging footsteps descend the staircase and you gave a sigh of relief. </p><p>      “Come on, we better hurry. Bet a Galleon she’ll give us detention?”</p><p>      “Oh, I’d bet 10 Galleons on that,” Sirius retorted, lazily draping an arm around your waist as you both walked to Transfiguration. </p><p>      As you entered the classroom an annoyed silence filled the room, and McGonagall shot you and Sirius an angry stare. Everyone was looking at you, and you could see James, Remus, and Peter snickering out of the corner of your eye. </p><p>      “Uh, sorry we’re late Professor, we were just, uh-” </p><p>      “Studying of course! Very busy preparing for the NEWTs, aren’t we (Y/N)?” Sirius joked, giving a flashy smile as students giggled. </p><p>      “Sit down, both of you. Detention, tomorrow morning. In my office,” McGonagall said sternly, before turning around and continuing her lesson. </p><p>      You quietly groaned and followed Sirius to your table that you shared with James, Remus, and Peter. </p><p>      “Had a late one last night?” James whispered as you sat down, giving you and Sirius an amused, knowing look.</p><p>      “Shut up, Prongs. Why didn’t you wake us?” Sirius demanded. </p><p>      “Well, we were going to, but you guys looked so comfortable. It was kind of sickening actually, like a little old married couple.”</p><p>      “Quiet! Or all five of you will see me in detention tomorrow,” McGonagall yelled, causing you all to snap to attention and keep relatively silent through the rest of the lesson. </p><p>      After the bell rang to signal the end of class, your group walked to the Black Lake to spend your break under the Beech tree you and Sirius had met under the previous night. </p><p>      “Ugh! I cannot believe she gave us detention! There goes my Saturday,” you cried, throwing your hands up in exasperation. </p><p>      “Well, you were almost an hour late,” Remus said without glancing up from the book he currently had his nose in.</p><p>      “That’s what you get for doing it in the dorm,” James blurted, laughing and throwing a stone into the water. </p><p>      “Well you didn’t hear us did you? As if you don’t take Marlene McKinnon up there every week! You owe us one, Prongs,” you accused. </p><p>      “I’ve already made it up to you, just wait until you see what I got for us to drink this weekend. Also, it’s not every week. It’s only been once. Or twice.” </p><p>      “Yeah, we all know who he really wants up there with him. Just wait until Lily finally falls for our dear James-” </p><p>      “Alright, enough, enough, you got me. Sorry for not waking you up. Really,” James had cut Sirius off with a fierceness, and hurriedly glanced around to make sure Lily wasn’t within hearing range of the conversation. </p><p>      You spent the rest of your break laughing with your friends, enjoying the fresh air. The rest of the day went by quickly, and soon enough it was after dinner and you were sat in the corner of the Common Room with Peter and Remus, trying to complete your Transfiguration essay. </p><p>      “Do either of you remember McGonagall talking about bird-conjuring charms?” you asked them, growing increasingly frustrated with your homework.</p><p>      “Yes, she talked about it today, weren’t you paying attention?” Remus asked.</p><p>      “Nope, not even a little bit.” </p><p>      You had actually spent your Transfiguration lesson mulling over your night with Sirius, replaying all your favorite moments in your head. Remus just shrugged and went back to his writing, clearly signaling that you were on your own. </p><p>      “I’ll try to help,” Peter squeaked.</p><p>      “Thank you so, so, so, much,” you gushed appreciatively. “Have I ever told you how amazing you are?” </p><p>      Peter’s ears turned bright red as he took your Transfiguration book and tried to find an excerpt you could use in your essay. </p><p>      “Where’s James and Sirius?” you asked. They had disappeared shortly after dinner and had not yet returned to Gryffindor Tower. </p><p>      “Probably sneaking around somewhere,” Remus replied casually, and you chuckled in agreement. </p><p>      After Remus and Peter had gone to bed, you moved your parchment and books to the couch in front of the fire, hoping you could warm up your cold feet. Bad idea, because before you knew it, your eyes were drooping and you fell asleep right there. You were in the middle of a weird dream about getting transfigured into a bird when someone suddenly shook you awake. You sat up, startled, your eyes focusing on Sirius’ beaming face.</p><p>      “Hey, sleepy head,” he grinned. “I was gonna get someone to come wake you, but you’re already down here. Do you want to see something amazing? James has gone to bed.”</p><p>      “Always,” you smiled broadly and got up, stretching your limbs which were achy from the awkward position you fell asleep in. </p><p>      Sirius threw James’ Invisibility Cloak over the both of you before you slinked out of the porthole into the dark corridor. </p><p>      “Where are we going?” you whispered. Sirius had been leading you through the maze-like hallways of Hogwarts for what seemed like hours.</p><p>      “You’ll see,” he replied simply. </p><p>      Eventually, you and Sirius were climbing the long set of stairs to the Astronomy Tower. When you got to the top you pulled off the Invisibility Cloak and looked at him confusedly.</p><p>      “Well?” you questioned. </p><p>      “Come here,” Sirius took your hand and led you to the edge of the tower. He sat you down by the railing and gestured to the open sky. “Look.”</p><p>      You turned your head upwards and your breath caught in your throat, in awe at what you were seeing. There was a meteor shower happening above, and countless fiery orbs soared across the sky, lighting up the darkness and illuminating the ground below in short bursts. It almost seemed impossible, you had never seen so many meteors at once. </p><p>      “Wow…” you whispered breathlessly, trailing off as you continued to stare into the night.</p><p>      “Isn’t it brilliant? It reminded me of you, I made James leave just so you could see it.”</p><p>      Instead of looking up, Sirius was looking directly at you, admiring the way the meteors lit up your soft features and how your bright eyes were transfixed to what you were seeing. </p><p>      After a couple moments of watching the sky, the meteors began to lesson in number until it was dark again, lit only by a few glistening stars and the soft light of the moon.</p><p>      “That <em> was </em> brilliant. You sure are quite the romantic, Black,” you teased. </p><p>      “Only for the best,” Sirius smiled, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it. He offered it to you and you took it, taking a long drag before passing it back to him.</p><p>      “You know, if I didn’t know any better, I would say that this is a date.”</p><p>      “A date?! Now (Y/N), what would ever make you think that I, Sirius Black, would want to take you on a date?”</p><p>      You rolled your eyes at him and laughed, your mind flashing back to every flirtatious comment, every touch, every night spent in his bed. </p><p>      “Don’t be getting any ideas, I’m an independent woman,” you joked. </p><p>      “Never, love. After all, we are just friends.” Sirius gave you a warm smile and you broke his stare, shifting your eyes back to the sky. You would never admit it, not even to yourself, but hearing him say that caused a sharp twinge in your chest. Sirius threw his cigarette butt off the tower, and you watched as it fell until it became engulfed by the darkness below.</p><p>      “We better head back soon, we can’t be late to detention in the morning or we might be murdered,” you declared, making the move to stand up.</p><p>      “Wait-” Sirius grabbed your hand, forcing you to stay seated. “I just wanted to tell you, I really do, you know, like spending time with you. And I don’t just mean the sex. Although that is great-” Sirius paused, giving you a knowing look. “But you know what I mean. You’re just...You’re a great friend (Y/N).”</p><p>      You took a moment before responding, a bit thrown off by Sirius’ emotional display. </p><p>      “Thank you Sirius, that's very sweet. I like spending time with you too. What’s with the sappiness though, did someone slip something into your dinner?”</p><p>      Sirius laughed deeply and seemed to relax a little. </p><p>      “Nope, I just want my friends to know they’re cared about,” he retorted, placing a small kiss on the back of your hand before standing up and retrieving the Invisibility Cloak off the floor. This was the third time he had used the word ‘friend’ in the past minute, and you almost couldn’t stand it. </p><p>      The walk back to Gryffindor Tower was quiet, and for some reason, a bit awkward. There was a weird tension between you two and you couldn’t tell why. </p><p>      Before parting ways for the night, Sirius gave you a quick kiss on the cheek and headed up the staircase to the boys’ dormitory.</p><p>      “Remember to be up on time tomorrow!” you called after him. He just looked at you and rolled his eyes, smiling at your motherly demands. </p><p>      You changed into your pajamas and climbed into bed, exhausted. You would’ve been mad at yourself for staying up so late, especially when you have detention in the morning, but watching the meteor shower with Sirius was worth it. You replayed the events of the night in your head and fell asleep wondering if he really did have a flicker of what seemed like regret in his eyes when he called you his friend, or whether you were just imagining it. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Detention and Drinking</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>     “Time for breakfast!” Lily Evans yelled, pulling back the curtains on your bed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     “Already?” you replied drearily, your eyes aching from lack of sleep. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     “Yes, now get dressed. We’ll be waiting downstairs for you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Lily bounded down the stairs with Marlene and you climbed out of bed, grabbing some clothes from your trunk and mindlessly putting them on, too tired to care if they matched. You resented staying up late a little more now that it was morning. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     You, Lily, and Marlene made your way to the Great Hall for breakfast, chatting about silly things before parting ways when you spotted the Marauders, sitting down in your spot next to Sirius.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     “Excited for your date with McGonagall today?” James asked, smirking. You shot him an angry glance and piled some eggs onto your plate.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     “At least we’ll be getting tortured together, right (Y/N)?” Sirius said jokingly, giving your thigh a small squeeze. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     “I’m the luckiest girl in the world,” you replied sarcastically.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     After breakfast, you said goodbye to James, Remus, and Peter and made your way to McGonagall’s office with Sirius. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     “What do you think she’ll make us do?” you asked him, dreading the hours of boredom that lay in front of you. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     “Wrestle trolls in the Forbidden Forest. Or maybe reorganize her nightcap collection.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     “You know, I’m actually hoping for the troll wrestling. At least it would be exciting,” you laughed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     What McGonagall actually had you do was clean out every animal enclosure in her classroom, including the cage of the large hornbill which aggressively bit your fingers every time you stuck your hand inside. It wouldn’t have been too bad if it weren’t for McGonagall sitting at her desk, reading the Daily Prophet and sipping tea, shushing you every time Sirius made you giggle. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     After about three hours, every enclosure in the classroom was squeaky clean, and McGonagall allowed you and Sirius to leave. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     “Let that teach you to be on time to my class,” McGonagall said with one last stern look.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     “Lesson learned, Professor!” Sirius called after her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Back at the Common Room, you sat with your four friends in front of the roaring fire, listening to the howling wind and pelting rain outside the castle. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     “So what’s this magical drink you got for us tonight?” you asked James, who was currently fiddling with his wand rather than working on the homework that was laid out in front of him. He was clearly prepared for your question, as he smirked and moved the blanket that was piled next to him, revealing a large bottle of Fire Whiskey.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     “Nice!” Sirius proclaimed. “How’d you manage that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     “Nipped it from Slughorn’s office, he was yelling at me for throwing a Filibuster Firework into Snivellus’ cauldron.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     “Well, we better get drunk tonight, we’ll be way too busy next week, right Moony?” Sirius said, nudging Remus with his elbow and smiling. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     “I’m glad you look forward to it so much,” Remus grimaced. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     “Just being an optimist.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Remus chuckled and Sirius leaned back on the couch, putting his hands behind his head. You couldn’t help but admire the way his hair fell around his face and how his strong arms looked in the shirt he was currently wearing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Soon enough, the sun had set below the horizon and students began to go up to their dormitories for bed. Once everyone had left and you were pretty sure no one was coming down for a glass of water or a forgotten book, James cracked open the bottle of Fire Whiskey and began passing it around. You took three large gulps, grimacing at the way it burned your throat but enjoying the warmth that began to blossom in your stomach.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     As the hours passed, you became increasingly more intoxicated and eventually you were finishing off the last two swallows of the Fire Whiskey. Somehow, you had ended up in Sirius’ lap, your arms around his neck and him holding onto your waist.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     “God! Look at them...disgusting! Just like I said, a little old married couple!” James cried, slurring his words slightly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     “Nope, just friends, Prongs, remember?” Sirius replied, tightening his grip on your waist. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     “Shut up, Padfoot. You act like we don’t have eyes. I, for one, will be looking forward to attending the wedding,” Remus retorted sleepily. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     “Don’t insult me like that,” you said, simultaneously closing your eyes and nuzzling your face into Sirius’ neck. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     You could almost feel Remus, James, and Peter giving each other amused looks.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     You must have fallen asleep on Sirius, because the next time you opened your eyes, you two were alone in the Common Room, his eyes fixed on the smoldering remains of the fire. He felt you stir and turned his head to look at you, smiling. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     “Good morning,” he said jokingly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     “What time is it?” you asked, yawning. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     “No idea.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     “When did the others go to bed?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     “Maybe half an hour ago.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     “Oh. Why didn’t you wake me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     “You’re just so cute when you sleep, I couldn’t disturb you. Plus you’re mean when you get woken up.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     You rolled your eyes, repositioning yourself on his lap so you were straddling him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     “Oh yeah?” you asked, running your hands through Sirius’ hair. For some reason, he wasn’t reciprocating as usual, his hands planted firmly on your back instead of exploring your body as they usually did. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     “You okay?” you questioned, throwing him a concerned look. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     “Yeah, definitely. Totally okay. Just tired, is all. I think I may head up to bed actually. Long night, you know.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     You nodded, getting up off of his lap. You weren’t completely convinced that Sirius wasn’t hiding something. However, you didn’t want to be intrusive, so you decided to let it slide. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     “That’s fine. But if you want to talk about something, I’m here,” you said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     “Of course, love. I already knew that,” Sirius responded with a reassuring smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     You said goodnight and headed up to bed, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. Maybe the boys’ teasing had finally gotten to him, or maybe you were taking your affection too far. You laid awake for hours, carefully analyzing all of Sirius’ comments, his facial expressions. Was it something you did? Was he not interested in you anymore? You cursed yourself for even worrying about it, you and Sirius weren’t a couple. He didn’t have feelings for you, and you didn’t have feelings for him. Your relationship was purely physical. Right? Eventually, you fell into a restless sleep, dreaming of Sirius and yearning to be wrapped in his arms again. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Lycanthropy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     The next week was quite uneventful, you were so wrapped up in your schoolwork that you didn’t even realize that you had barely seen Sirius until it was Thursday evening and you were preparing for the long night ahead of you. </p><p>     Tonight was your favorite night of the month, weird as that may sound. Although the full moon brought countless risks to both yourself and your friends, you could never get enough of the adrenaline high. Not to mention, you loved knowing you were successfully hiding a huge secret from the whole of Hogwarts (and the Ministry, at that). Regardless of the risks, you would do anything for Remus, and you felt good knowing you were helping to protect him.</p><p>     You knew the ritual like clockwork. You had become totally accustomed to this exact routine throughout your six years at school. You said goodnight to Lily and Marlene as usual, climbing into bed and closing the curtains. After about 20 minutes, you quietly got up and crept downstairs to the Common Room, making sure the deep breathing of your roommates wasn’t being disturbed by your light footsteps. </p><p>     In the Common Room, the rest of the Marauders were already waiting for you, conversing quietly, James clutching his Invisibility Cloak under his arm. </p><p>     “About time,” Sirius teased as you approached your friends. “We were almost going to leave without you.”</p><p>     “As if you could ever survive without me,” you laughed. </p><p>     “We better go,” James declared, smiling. Him and Sirius seemed a little more antsy than usual tonight. </p><p>     You gave a reassuring look to Remus, who looked awfully pale, giving his arm a small squeeze. He managed a weak smile in response. </p><p>     James threw the Invisibility Cloak around your group of five, and you snuck out of the porthole and began your trek through the castle and out to the Whomping Willow. Remus led the way, clearly eager to get the whole ordeal over with. Sirius kept poking your side, making you squirm and giggle, forcing James and Peter to stifle snickers. </p><p>     “Shh!” Remus scolded. “Do you want Filch to catch us?” </p><p>     “Maybe. I’m all for a break in the monotony,” Sirius whispered. </p><p>     “Don’t worry guys, tonight won’t be boring,” James retorted. </p><p>     “What do you mean tonight won’t be-” you started, before Remus cut you off with another loud shush. </p><p>     Eventually, you exited the castle and made your way through the night, stopping at a grassy knoll about 40 feet away from the Whomping Willow. James pulled off the Invisibility Cloak and you glanced upwards towards the sky. The full moon was nearly at its peak.</p><p>     “Okay, go ahead, Wormtail,” Remus said. You looked at Peter, who wasn’t Peter anymore, but instead a scruffy brown rat. You watched as he skittered through the grass and up to the base of the tree, finding a large knot on the trunk and climbing on top of it. The swaying branches immediately shuttered loudly and froze in place. </p><p>     “Let’s go,” Remus declared. You approached the tree and watched as your friends climbed into the small hole that was concealed by the roots, going in after them with one last look at the sky. Peter then quickly scampered in, and you listened as the Whomping Willow sprung back to life, its groans echoing through the dark tunnel. </p><p>     As you made your way through the passage, your footsteps pounding on the impacted dirt, you heard James and Sirius whispering urgently to each other. You strained your ears to try to make out what they were saying, but you couldn’t discern anything. You wondered why they were acting so strangely. Were they nervous about something?</p><p>     You eventually reached a small ladder, climbing up it and entering a room through a trapdoor in the floor. You stood up, brushing yourself off, and quickly looked around, observing the area around you. Yep, the Shrieking Shack was the same dusty mess as always. </p><p>     “Ready to get started?” James asked excitedly, rubbing his hands together and going into the next room. </p><p>     “Ready as I’ll ever be,” Remus muttered, following him. </p><p>     Sirius gave you one last dazzling smile and you relaxed a little bit. Whatever he and James were worried about, you knew they would keep you safe. </p><p>     Before you knew it, you were no longer with your friends but instead with a stag, a black dog, a rat, and a snarling werewolf. Growls, barks, and whines filled the room and the walls shook with every altercation. James and Sirius took the lead, circling around Remus’ large feet, Sirius nipping at his heels and James keeping him back with his large antlers. You and Peter played the vital role of a distraction, taking the attention off Sirius and James if Remus’ bites got a little too close. You were completely focused on the task at hand, as you always were, when you thought you heard a distant clang in a different room of the shack. You felt a quick rush of anxiety, your thoughts immediately flashing to a teacher finding you. The fears left your head as Remus’ paw took a swipe at James’ face, and you had to quickly run in front of him, your concentration going back to the immediate issue.</p><p>     You were actually having a pretty good time, successfully dodging Remus’ jaws multiple times and saving both Sirius and James from a bad scratch to the face or chest. Even in your Animagus form, you adored the triumphant feeling of your heart pounding in your ears and the adrenaline running through your veins. You were taking a second to savor the moment when a shadow suddenly came over the room. Confused, you glanced to the doorway and saw a silhouette, your heart immediately skipping a few beats and a sick feeling washing over you.</p><p>     The next few seconds unfolded in what seemed like slow motion. A million thoughts entered your brain at once, and you desperately tried to understand what was happening. It seemed like no one else had noticed that there was someone here that wasn’t supposed to be, and suddenly it all clicked in your head. You finally recognized who the silhouette at the door was, by the shape of his thin body and the way his greasy hair framed his long face. <em> Severus Snape. </em>How could he possibly be here? There was no way he could have followed you guys out here...unless...no. There was no way…</p><p>     Your speculations were cut short as you noticed James and Sirius pause, taking their attention off Remus for less than half a second, also looking towards the door. You watched as Remus suddenly lunged directly at Snape. You had no time to think about what you were doing, but felt yourself transform back into a human and immediately jump in front of Severus, aggressively pushing him as far away as you could. He collapsed and skidded a few feet away, and you quickly tried to dodge the inevitable attack that was coming from behind you, but you were too late.</p><p>     The werewolf’s giant paws pinned you to the ground, and you instinctively put your arm up to protect your face. As you did so, you felt rows of sharp teeth sink into your forearm, causing you to cry out in agony. Your free hand desperately searched your waistband for your wand, but it was nowhere to be found. You tried kicking your feet and pushing off the monster that was on top of you, but you were only met with a large swipe to the face, narrowly avoiding getting your neck sliced open. Your vision blurred as you felt hot, sticky blood run down your forehead and cheek, burning your eye. You swung your arm at the wolf’s snout and hit it hard, feeling his grip loosen for a second. You attempted to roll away, but got shoved back down, your head banging against the wooden floor with a sickening crunch.</p><p>     Your head swam, your thoughts becoming less coherent and your attempts to escape becoming more futile as you felt your body weaken. You had almost succumbed to the fact that you were going to die, your vision almost completely dark, when you saw a bright flash of light and a large black dog jump on top of the werewolf’s back, biting deeply into his neck. The wolf immediately got up to confront his new attacker, leaving you on the floor, bleeding and moaning softly in pain. You curled onto your side, cradling your injured arm, trying desperately to stay conscious, but everything in you was screaming at you to close your eyes and go to sleep. You were so tired.</p><p>     “Sirius…” you managed to choke out painfully, before your body went limp and everything faded to darkness. </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading! Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, sorry that it took me a little longer than expected! In case anyone was wondering, I purposely didn't mention what the reader's Animagus form is, as I figured it's pretty much just as personal as a name so I didn't want to just make one up. Also, as you probably already assumed, this is basically an AU where instead of James saving Snape's life, the reader does. I changed a few details so I hope it's all consistent enough! Let me know your thoughts, I'm hoping to get the next chapter up within the next couple days or so :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Consequences</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><span class="u"> Sirius’ POV </span> <span class="u"></span></p>
<p>     Sirius crept through the shadowy corridor, his footsteps echoing softly within the stone walls. James’ Invisibility Cloak was draped over his body, covering all but his arm, which was stuck straight out in front of him. He clutched his glowing wand, alight with a <em> Lumos </em>charm, in his outstretched hand. </p>
<p>     Sirius approached the entrance to the Hospital Wing, slowly pushing open the large wooden doors with a muffled creak. He quickly put out his wand with a quiet “<em>Nox,</em>” and walked directly to the fourth bed on the left side of the room. </p>
<p>     He pulled off the Invisibility Cloak, sitting in the chair that was positioned nearby and pulling it as close as he could to the side of the bed. He leaned in close to the unconscious person lying down, gently taking their hand in his and tracing small circles on the back of it with his thumb. </p>
<p>     “Hey, (Y/N),” he whispered soothingly. “Sorry I was gone so long, I think Filch is beginning to suspect something. He’s been creeping around Gryffindor Tower a lot more than he used to,” Sirius chuckled dryly, his voice beginning to edge with oncoming tears. </p>
<p>     “I-I miss you so much, (Y/N). P-Please, can you wake up soon? We need you,” tears were now silently streaming down Sirius’ face as he attempted to choke back any sobs that may awaken the other sleeping students. He took a deep breath, calming his shaking voice. “James and Peter are a mess, and Remus hasn’t come out of the dorm for a week. I don’t know what he would do if…” Sirius trailed off, not able to bear vocalizing the thought of you not waking up. </p>
<p>     “I’m not sure if you can even hear me, (Y/N), but if you can, just know that we all miss you. So much. And I’m so, so, sorry for everything. This is all my fault. If me and James weren’t so stupid...none of this would be happening. Even if you never want to speak to me again, that’s fine. You just need to be okay. You <em> need </em>to wake up.”</p>
<p>     Sirius stared at your unmoving face, your sallow complexion illuminated by the moonlight shining through the window and your chest rising deeply with every breath. After a few seconds with no reaction, Sirius cursed quietly and let go of your hand, leaning back in his chair and wiping the tears off of his cheeks. He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples, a painful headache pounding through his skull with every heartbeat. Whether it was from lack of sleep, lack of food, or stress, he couldn’t tell. </p>
<p>     Sirius sat in silence for many minutes, deep in thought, his mind racing. The guilt he felt for what had happened to you was overwhelming, it seemed to be chewing at his very soul. Although he desperately wished for you to wake up, he dreaded what you would think when you did. He and James were the ones who had told Snape what was happening that night, and where to go. They thought it would be funny, that Snape would have taken a quick look and left, that Remus wouldn’t have even noticed him. It was supposed to be a harmless prank. How was he going to explain it all to you? He knew you thought him and James took the jokes against Severus too far, you had told him so countless times. He never could have imagined that his actions would have led to this nightmare. He was supposed to keep you safe, and he failed.</p>
<p>     Eventually, Sirius dozed off right in the chair he was sitting in, lulled by your rhythmic breathing and the distant reverberation of the ticking Clock Tower. A few hours later, with the early morning sun now pouring in through the windows, he was awoken suddenly by voices approaching the Hospital Wing. He managed to throw on the Invisibility Cloak right as the door was pushed open and Madam Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall walked in. </p>
<p>     “Well, how is she doing? She hasn’t woken up yet I see,” McGonagall commented as the two women approached your bed and Sirius made an effort to silence his breathing.  </p>
<p>     “Quite well for what happened to her. That was quite a nasty bite she got. A werewolf, at Hogwarts! Can you believe it Minerva? It just seems so absurd,” Madam Pomfrey responded, her voice ripe with disbelief. </p>
<p>     “I know, Poppy. I promise that Albus and I are completely on top of it, you shouldn't worry yourself.”</p>
<p>     “But, Minerva, don’t you think Potter and Black know more than they’re telling? They were with her that night, weren’t they? Black is the one who carried her up here, in fact! They’re not telling the full truth, mark my words.” </p>
<p>     “I trust that they didn’t intend for any harm to come upon her, and that’s all that needs to be discussed among ourselves. There is no need to be spreading rumors when a girl is injured. The rest will be taken care of in private, but I assure you, the students of Hogwarts are perfectly safe,” McGonagall stated curtly, causing Madam Pomfrey’s cheeks to flush slightly. </p>
<p>     “But how can you be-” she stuttered.</p>
<p>     “Enough, Poppy. You can talk to Albus if you’re still concerned. Focus on making sure she gets better, and we can discuss it more later. Notify me when she wakes up, please,” McGonagall cut her protests short and turned to leave. Sirius stood up as quietly as he could and carefully maneuvered around Madam Pomfrey, who was now muttering something under her breath and changing the dressings on your wounds, and followed McGonagall out the door, slipping through before it slammed shut behind her.</p>
<p>     Sirius made his way to the Great Hall, his eyes heavy with exhaustion. Before entering, he pulled off the Invisibility Cloak after he ensured he was alone in the corridor and tucked it under his arm. He walked in and immediately felt hundreds of pairs of eyes staring at him, the sounds of hushed whispers filling the room. Sirius ignored it as best as he could and directed his gaze towards the floor, going straight to the Gryffindor table and sitting in his spot across from James and Peter. Rumors had been spreading throughout the school like wildfire since the incident, and yours and Remus’ absence was a source of heavy debate. Sirius had been asked by other students if you had been kidnapped by Centaurs, or if you and Remus had eloped to Belarus. Sirius kept his mouth shut, not confirming or denying any of the theories, just glad that no one had guessed the truth yet. </p>
<p>     “How is she?” James asked with a sympathetic look, nibbling at a half-eaten piece of toast. </p>
<p>     “The same,” Sirius replied with a deep sigh. “I just wish she would wake up already.”</p>
<p>     “Me too, mate. God, I’ve barely slept all week. I’ve never felt so terrible about something in my entire life. I can’t even imagine how Moony’s feeling.” </p>
<p>     Sirius nodded somberly, feeling another wave of guilt wash over him like a tsunami. </p>
<p>     “You need to eat, by the way. Your body’s going to give out if you keep this up,” James stated, reaching over and piling some eggs and sausage links onto Sirius’ plate. “And no offense, but you look terrible. You need to ask Madam Pomfrey for a Dreamless Sleep Potion and rest for the night, or you’re going to get caught sneaking around because you’re so out of it.” </p>
<p>     Sirius stared down at the food on his plate, a sick feeling rising in his stomach. He reluctantly picked up his fork and shoveled down a few bites, trying not to throw up. </p>
<p>     “I know you feel like shit, mate. But if anything, you need to be in good shape for (Y/N). For when she wakes up, you know. She’ll want you there,” James explained. Sirius scoffed, thinking how he was probably the last thing you would want after you found out the truth. </p>
<p>     “Yeah, that won’t last long. She’ll hate my guts soon enough. And it’ll be well deserved, too,” Sirius retorted bleakly. </p>
<p>     “I’m sure we can explain to her-” </p>
<p>     “I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” Sirius cut James off, grabbing an empty plate from beside him and filling it with a bit of every food that was out on the table. “I’m bringing this up to Remus, at least I can be a little useful.” </p>
<p>     Sirius got up without another word and carried the plate of food out of the Great Hall as discreetly as possible, making his way through the corridors and up to Gryffindor Tower. He entered the boys dormitory and approached Remus’ bed, which had all of its curtains tightly drawn shut. Sirius knocked sharply three times on the bedpost, putting the plate of food down on the bedside table. </p>
<p>     “Hey Moony, I brought you some breakfast. I wanted to see how you were doing,” Sirius said, getting nothing but silence in response. “I, uh, I saw (Y/N) earlier. She’s doing good, I heard Madam Pomfrey say that she thinks she’ll wake up soon.” </p>
<p>     Sirius felt bad for fibbing, but he was desperate for anything that might help to pull Remus out of his intense depression. Sirius waited a few more moments, praying for a response. </p>
<p>     “Thank you,” Remus finally croaked from the bed, his voice clearly raw from crying, and Sirius felt a wave of relief wash over him. </p>
<p>     “Anytime, mate. If you need anything, just ask. I’ll talk to you later, okay? Oh, and just so you know, no one knows what actually happened. And no one blames you. We all still care about you, and I know (Y/N) does too. Just remember that,” Sirius said before turning and leaving the dorm, knowing he wouldn’t be able to coax another response out of Remus. </p>
<p>     The rest of the day was a blur, Sirius’ mind filled with thoughts about you and how you were doing. He couldn’t understand how everyone was just going about their day like normal, as if you weren’t lying unconscious in the Hospital Wing. Sirius felt a twinge of anger every time he saw a student smile, or watched as a group of friends broke out into laughter. How could they be happy at a time like this? </p>
<p>     That night, Sirius ignored James’ pleas to stay in the dorm and rest, instead venturing out to see you again, concealed under the Invisibility Cloak. It had become a ritual at this point, and as tired as he was, Sirius couldn’t bear to leave you alone. What if you woke up and no one was there? He had already failed you once, and he wasn’t going to again. Besides, he could talk to you for as long as he wanted at night, without Madam Pomfrey hovering nearby and kicking him out after 15 minutes. </p>
<p>     He reached the Hospital Wing and pulled up a chair beside your bed just as he did the previous nights, taking your hand in his and beginning to talk to you. He was tearfully explaining how much he missed your voice when he suddenly felt your fingers twitch against his palm. Startled, Sirius froze and went silent, immediately assuming that he must have imagined the minute movement. </p>
<p>     “(Y/N)?” he implored, holding on to your hand even tighter, desperately searching your face and body with his eyes for another sign of consciousness, his heart pounding with anticipation. </p>
<p>     He felt as your hand twitched once more in his grasp, and watched as your eyelids slowly began to flutter open. <em> You were waking up</em>. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. New Beginnings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     Your head hurt really bad. That was the only clear thought you could muster as a distant voice swam through your foggy brain. You wished whoever it was would be quiet, as every sound seemed to cause another dull throb to shoot through your body. As the seconds passed, your thoughts became more coherent as you continued to regain consciousness. You felt someone holding onto your hand, desperately whispering your name. You willed your heavy eyelids to open, and as they did, the dark ceiling of the Hospital Wing focused into your view.</p><p>     “Sirius?” you croaked, your voice weak and sore from not being used. You tried to lift your head up to look at him, causing a sharp pain in your stiff neck. You groaned slightly, leaning back down and closing your eyes again, willing your intense headache to ease up. </p><p>     “Yes, (Y/N), I’m here. Holy shit, I can’t believe you're awake,” you heard Sirius say, his voice filled with awe. His face came into your view as he leaned over you, and a weak smile graced your lips as you saw him, until you noticed that his cheeks were stained with tears.</p><p>     “What happened? Why are you crying?” you asked, concerned about Sirius as well as confused as to why you had just woken up in the Hospital Wing. Your mind was racing, and you took a second to gather your thoughts and surroundings. It was almost pitch black in the room, with only the moonlight to illuminate Sirius’ face, so it must be night time. <em> The moon</em>. You remembered sneaking out of the castle with the Marauders for Remus’ transformation, and you remembered that something had gone wrong, but the details were as unclear to you as the amount of time that you had been unconscious. </p><p>     You tried to force yourself to sit up, and as you put your weight on your right arm it gave out under you and you cried out slightly. You looked down at your forearm that had caused the pain, and you saw that it was bound in layers of bloody bandages. A sick feeling began to grow in your stomach as realization dawned on you.</p><p>     “Sirius…” you asked quietly, your voice shaking. “What happened to my arm?”</p><p>     Sirius didn’t respond right away, and instead got up and helped you to sit up, positioning the pillow behind you so it supported your weak body. You could tell by the look on his face that something was terribly wrong. </p><p>     “Sirius, answer me,” you demanded again as you began to feel tears well up in your eyes. You knew what the answer was, but you had to hear him say it. He sat back down and cast a <em> Muffliato </em>charm so that you two could speak freely without fear of alerting a teacher. He took a deep breath and wiped away the last few tears on his cheeks before taking your hand in both of his, holding it firmly. </p><p>     He met your eyes with his warm gray ones, staring at you intensely. You could see that he was exhausted, and even in the dim light the dark circles under his eyes were glaringly obvious. You could tell that he had been crying regularly, as his eyes were bloodshot and his nose tinged pink. You didn’t like this Sirius, who was clearly stressed and upset. This version of him was very different from the happy, smiling, confident Sirius that you knew and admired so much. </p><p>     “I’m really sorry (Y/N)...but...something happened in the Shrieking Shack...” Sirius choked out, clearly struggling to form the words that would confirm your deepest fear. “You got bit.”</p><p>     Immediately your world seemed to shatter into thousands of pieces. Your head spun as you tried to process what Sirius had just said. Hearing it out loud had destroyed any hope inside you that it was just a bad cut, and that you would be fine in a couple weeks. What were you going to do? You were very aware that this could happen when you and the Marauders first agreed to help Remus in your first year at Hogwarts, but your hubris and teenage feelings of invincibility had disallowed you from ever considering it a real possibility. But it had happened, and this was real. You had been bitten by a werewolf. Your thoughts turned to Remus himself as you realized how he must be feeling, as he was always deeply concerned that he would hurt his friends. Your heart sank into your chest and you grew extremely nauseous. </p><p>     “I...I...” you stuttered, failing to find words to express the rush of emotions you were feeling. </p><p>     “I know, it’s...it’s a lot to take in,” Sirius said, squeezing your hand in an attempt to comfort you. </p><p>     “I don’t even remember anything...wh-what happened?” you stammered, trying desperately to stop yourself from crying and to control the fear that was seizing your heart. </p><p>     “Listen, (Y/N)...this is probably going to be a lot for you to handle. And you very well might hate me afterwards. But I’m going to be completely honest, because you deserve to know the truth. I’ll tell you the whole story, but please just know I <em> never </em>meant for any of this to happen, and that I'll never be able to find the right words to explain how sorry I am and how much I regret it.” </p><p>     Sirius lowered his head in shame, and your anxiety heightened. What could have possibly happened that Sirius was supposedly at fault for? </p><p>     “I could never hate you,” you declared, and you meant it. No matter what Sirius had done, you knew it was a mistake, as you knew he would never do something that would purposely put you in harm’s way. He looked up and met your eyes, and you could tell that he didn’t believe you. You felt an ache in your heart as you noticed the sadness that swam within his gray eyes. He scoffed and shook his head.</p><p>     “I don’t deserve you, (Y/N),” he said dejectedly. You opened your mouth to protest but Sirius cut you off.</p><p>     “Just let me tell you everything first, okay? Do you remember the night that James and I didn’t come back to the Common Room after dinner, when I took you to see the meteor shower?” he asked, and you nodded, recalling the blissful night fondly. </p><p>     “Well, we were gone so long because we went to see Sniv-I mean, Severus.” </p><p>     “Severus? Why?” you questioned, bewildered. </p><p>     Sirius sighed deeply and broke eye contact again, staring down at the floor. </p><p>     “We were trying to play a prank on him...we told him that if he went to the Shrieking Shack on the night of the full moon, he would see a werewolf. I even told him how to get through the Whomping Willow. I guess I didn’t realize…” Sirius trailed off as tears began to flow down his face once again. </p><p>     “We weren’t even entirely sure that he would come...I didn’t even think about it much until the day came. Then James reminded me and we got a bit worried, but it was too late at that point to change anything. All we could do was wait. I guess he must’ve followed us out there, and...well, he practically came right into the room where we were. We weren’t expecting him to come that close, but I reckon that he thought it was some sort of spell or enchantment.</p><p>     “We got distracted for a second, and Remus just...lunged straight at him. There was nothing James or I could do, but you jumped right in front of him. It was probably the bravest thing I’ve ever seen, actually. You pushed him out of the way and he ran off, but Remus ended up on top of you. I tried to get his attention off you, I really did, but nothing was working. James ended up casting a stunning spell and I jumped on his back. </p><p>     “At that point though, you were already bit. After James and I managed to get him under control, I carried you to the Hospital Wing. You were unconscious, and I was so scared that you were...that you weren’t alive. I woke up Madam Pomfrey and told her that we had snuck out to the Forbidden Forest and that a werewolf had just run up to us. She was angry, but McGonagall managed to quell her suspicions. You’ve been asleep for a week, but I’ve been coming every night so that you weren’t alone. </p><p>     “And that’s the whole story. It was my fault that any of this happened. I know you’re probably angry, and upset, and confused. If you have any questions I’ll answer them, but I can also leave if you want me to,” Sirius concluded, sniffling and seeming to accept his fate.</p><p>     You sat in silence for a few moments, absorbing all of the information. You couldn’t pinpoint exactly what you were feeling, but it wasn’t anger. Mostly, you were worried for Remus and felt desperate to speak to him, to explain that you didn’t blame him for what happened. You also felt sadness for yourself as well as Sirius, for the loss of your old life and for how much Sirius was broken up over indirectly causing you harm. </p><p>     “Does anyone know?” you finally managed to ask. “About Remus, I mean. Does anyone know that he’s the one who actually bit me?”</p><p>     “I don’t think so. There are loads of rumors, of course. Remus spent a couple nights here in the Hospital Wing, and he hasn’t come out of the dorm since he was discharged. I think the only ones who actually know you were bitten are the teachers.”</p><p>     “So Snape has kept his mouth shut? He hasn’t told anyone?”</p><p>     “To my knowledge, he hasn’t said a word.” </p><p>     This information caused you to relax a little, you could think about the technicalities of what your life was going to look like later, but right now you knew that Remus’ secret was still protected. You hadn’t completely failed. You took a deep breath, steadying your nerves, and chose your next words very carefully.</p><p>     “Sirius, I’m not angry with you. I guess I’m a little disappointed, but I’m not going to scold you. It’s clear to me that you realize why you were wrong. That’s all I need, Sirius. I know you didn’t mean for it to happen. No matter what changes because of this...I forgive you.” </p><p>     You couldn’t guarantee that you wouldn’t become angry later on, in fact, you were sure you were bound to at some point. However, you decided to focus on one emotion at a time, and worry about all of the rest later. </p><p>     “(Y/N)...” Sirius started, clearly taken aback by your benevolence. </p><p>     “No arguments. I forgive you, Sirius. I do. We all knew the risks when we agreed to help Remus, and who knows if it hadn’t happened this way that it wouldn’t have happened another way? I’m actually surprised that I lasted so long <em> without </em>getting bit,” you said with a small smile. </p><p>     “You really are too good for me, (Y/N),” Sirius responded, and you saw a ghost of one of his famous stunning smiles flash across his sad face. </p><p>     “There’s the Sirius I know and love,” you laughed, trying to lighten the mood a bit and stay as positive as you possibly could. “You better cheer up, as I guarantee you I’ll be out of this horrid bed by tomorrow.”</p><p>     At this point, it was almost daybreak, and you could see that the sky was lightening outside as the sun began to rise slowly over the horizon. </p><p>     “You need to go back to Gryffindor Tower before Madam Pomfrey wakes up,” you urged, glancing towards the ever-brightening sky. </p><p>     “You’ll be okay?” Sirius asked, his eyes rich with concern. </p><p>     “As okay as I can be. You have the Cloak?” </p><p>     Sirius nodded and got up from his chair, stretching. He gave you a compassionate look, leaning over and tucking a strand of hair behind your ear and giving you a soft kiss on the cheek. He gave your hand one last tight squeeze before heading towards the door, the Invisibility Cloak under his arm. </p><p>     “Hey, Black?” you called after him teasingly. He paused and turned to look at you. “Next time, make it on the lips, okay?” </p><p>     You heard Sirius let out a laugh, and it lightened your spirits a bit. You hated seeing him so upset. </p><p>     “Will do, (Y/N),” he said before slipping out of the Hospital Wing door. It shut quietly behind him and you were left alone with your thoughts, the room lit by the pink-toned light of the sunrise. </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey everyone, thanks for reading! So sorry for the slow update, I recently started work again and my mind has been elsewhere. Don't worry though, I will continue to update this story as often as I can! Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, and feel free to let me know your thoughts :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Forgive and Forget</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     When Madam Pomfrey finally awoke later that morning, she was shocked to find you sitting up and conscious. </p><p>     “(Y/N)!” she cried when she left her office in the back of the Hospital Wing, the surprise evident on her face. “Goodness, I wasn’t expecting you to be up so soon. How are you feeling?”</p><p>     “Not terrible,” you replied. “A bit stiff.”</p><p>     Madam Pomfrey approached your bed, and after tightly shutting the curtains that surrounded it, began to tend to the cuts on your face and chest, applying a sticky, foul-smelling ointment. She wore a look of anxious irresolution, as if she knew whatever she said next would not be received well. </p><p>     “You must have a lot of questions. Before you ask any of them, I must suggest you save them for the Headmaster- I don’t mean to frighten you, of course, but-” she stuttered, clearly struggling to find the right words. </p><p>     “It’s alright,” you cut her off, not wanting to hear what Sirius had already told you for a second time. “I remember everything.”</p><p>     You looked up at Madam Pomfrey’s stunned expression and let out a dry laugh. </p><p>     “Oh! I’m quite surprised. It’s unusual to have clear memories after such a traumatic event.”</p><p>     “Guess I’m just lucky then,” you grimaced, as Madam Pomfrey was currently removing the bandage that covered your bitten arm. You glanced down as she peeled off the last layer but looked away almost immediately, feeling sick. “There’s not a spell or anything that can help it heal faster?” you asked. </p><p>     “Unfortunately, no. We applied powdered silver and dittany when you were first admitted to seal it, but that and the Murtlap Essence is all we can do except wait for it to heal naturally,” Madam Pomfrey explained sympathetically. </p><p>     You nodded but didn’t say anything in return, your mind wandering to how many scars you would have after you were healed. The thought made you a bit worried, although not because of your appearance, but because you didn’t know how receptive people would be towards you with such a heavily scarred face and arms. You had seen how people treated Remus, and you felt a new rush of guilt and regret. </p><p>     “So I can leave today, right? I feel fine,” you asked suddenly after a few moments of silence, your thoughts snapping back to the present. </p><p>     “Leave? No, of course you cannot leave, (Y/N). You’re not nearly strong enough yet,” Madam Pomfrey stated curtly. </p><p>     You opened your mouth to argue, but thought better of it. You knew you weren’t going to be able to convince her, and it didn’t really matter what she said anyways, you were going to leave either way. </p><p>     “Good girl,” Madam Pomfrey said after a few moments, taking your silence as obedience. You simply gave her a strained smile and laid your head back down on your pillow, closing your eyes. She skittered away to tend to the other students, opening your bed curtains as she left, and you thought about how you were going to sneak out under her hawk-like presence. Sirius would know what to do. He would surely come visit you soon, it was a Saturday after all. </p><p>     Right after this thought crossed your mind, the Hospital Wing doors opened with a loud creak and your eyes snapped open to see James and Sirius approaching you, both smiling widely. </p><p>     “Good morning, love,” Sirius said merrily, leaning over to place a kiss on the top of your head. “Sleep well?”</p><p>     “Never better,” you replied teasingly, meeting Sirius’ twinkling eyes. You could sense Madam Pomfrey sending disapproving glances from across the room, probably because of the early morning visitors. </p><p>     James approached the side of your bed and hugged you fiercely. You returned the gesture as best you could with your injuries. You didn’t know exactly why, but tears began to well up in your eyes as James held you tight. You still hadn’t fully processed the situation, and realizing how scared and worried your friends must have been while you laid unconscious in the Hospital Wing caused your heart to ache. </p><p>     “I’m so happy you’re okay, (Y/N),” James said gently, and as he pulled away you realized his bright hazel eyes were also glistening with tears. “We really thought we lost you for a minute there.” </p><p>     “Don’t worry Prongs, you can’t get rid of me that easily,” you joked, giving his hand a small squeeze as you both bashfully wiped your eyes. </p><p>     You could tell that both James and Sirius were struggling to find words, and you didn’t blame them. What could you possibly say to someone in a situation such as yours? The thing you wanted most was for things to go back to normal, or at least some semblance of normal. And you wanted to talk to Remus. No, you <em> needed </em>to talk to Remus. To get through this you had to take things one step at a time, and the first step was to make sure Remus was okay. </p><p>     “So what’s the escape plan?” you asked in a hushed tone after ensuring Madam Pomfrey was out of hearing distance. </p><p>     At this, James and Sirius exchanged a sly glance and smirks crept onto both of their faces. You couldn’t help but smile at the familiar interaction between the two best friends, even if their scheming ways were what got you here in the first place. But that didn’t matter, what was done was done and there was no changing it. </p><p>     “That we’ve already got figured out,” Sirius said proudly. </p><p>     “Give it a few more seconds, you’ll see,” James added. </p><p>     You opened your mouth to ask for more information, but before you could make a sound the doors to the Hospital Wing flung open with a loud <em> bang</em>, and in ran Peter Pettigrew, shining with sweat and very out of breath. </p><p>     “Mr. Pettigrew!” Madam Pomfrey cried from across the room, clearly angry at the loud noise. “I’m sorry, but I simply cannot permit you to come in like this-”</p><p>     She was cut off by the stuttering cries and half-formed words that were coming out of Peter’s mouth. He looked extremely panicked, and was pointing wildly behind him as he attempted to speak to a frightened and confused Madam Pomfrey. </p><p>     “G-Greenhouse...Venomous Tentacula...th-three students...Sprout told me to...get help,” Peter panted, doing a pretty convincing job at conveying the urgency of the imaginary situation. </p><p>     “Goodness!” Madam Pomfrey squeaked, gathering a few supplies in a bag and rushing out of the Hospital Wing without another word, Peter following close at her heels. </p><p>     Silence quickly settled in the room after the commotion was over, and seeing the smug expressions that James and Sirius wore, you couldn’t help but burst into a fit of laughter. </p><p>     "<em>That </em>was your genius plan?” you giggled, and Sirius opened his mouth in mock offense. </p><p>     “Came up with it ourselves, just this morning,” James replied as the boys began to help pull back your covers and assist you in standing up. “Should buy us a good few minutes.”</p><p>     “You’re lucky Madam Pomfrey loves a good medical emergency too much to question why students would be in the greenhouse on a Saturday morning,” you quipped, increasingly aware of your aching body as you moved to sit on the edge of the bed. </p><p>     “Don’t worry, Wormtail’s gonna tell her he must’ve hit his head really hard and imagined the whole thing,” Sirius assured you. </p><p>     “Very convincing,” you said through clenched teeth as you stood up, faltering a bit before Sirius put his arm around your waist, supporting your weight. </p><p>     “You okay?” he asked, his tone much softer and gentler than it was just a few seconds ago. </p><p>     “I’m fine, just get me out of here already.” </p><p>     With James and Sirius’ help, you made it out to the corridor despite your unsteady gait. James removed the Invisibility Cloak from where he had it tucked under his shirt and tossed it over your group. </p><p>     Slowly but surely, you made your way back to Gryffindor Tower. When you finally entered the Common Room, you felt as if you had come back home after being away for years. The room was empty, all the students presumably enjoying their day off outdoors. The familiar scent of cinnamon, old parchment, and burnt wood from the fireplace filled your nostrils and warmed you from the inside. You had never been happier to be anywhere before in your life. </p><p>     “Where’s Remus?” you asked reflexively, having been thinking of him the whole trek through the castle. </p><p>     “In the dorm,” James replied, a worried tone to his voice.</p><p>     You turned to face the two boys, leaning on the couch for support. You felt as if you had missed so much, even though you were only gone for a week, and you didn’t want to go and speak to Remus blindly. The last thing you wanted was to make him feel worse, which would be an easy thing to do in a fragile situation like this. </p><p>     “I’m going to go change out of these hideous pajamas, but stay here. I need to talk to you guys for a bit before I see Moony,” you instructed, and you could see that both James and Sirius looked slightly concerned. You could tell that they both still felt awful about what they had done, but in true Padfoot and Prongs fashion, were doing their very best to conceal it. </p><p>     “Do you need any help?” Sirius asked, glancing at the long staircase to the girls dormitory. </p><p>     “I got it,” you said, not sounding sure in the slightest. “Besides, you can’t go up there anyways. I’m fine, just give me five minutes.” </p><p>     Sirius gave you an anxious look and nodded, gesturing to James to sit on the couch with him so their backs were turned and they wouldn’t embarrass you by having to watch you struggle up the stairs. Your legs shook with every step you took, and you almost fell a couple times, but you ended up making it to the landing without incident. </p><p>     You had hoped that Lily or Marlene would be up in the dorm, wanting to see another friendly face to ease your anxiety about Remus’ state. But the room was empty, and your trunk was just where you left it, tucked neatly underneath your bed. You pulled out the most comfortable clothes you had and changed out of the itchy hospital pajamas before balling them up and shoving them in the back of the trunk, reminding yourself to return them to Madam Pomfrey at some point. Your movements were delicate and slow, but even with the added caution your various wounds twinged and burned as you got dressed. </p><p>     After you had managed to make your way back down the staircase, you sat on the couch next to Sirius and let out a deep breath. You were discouraged by how exhausted you felt from such a simple task. You silently urged your body to heal faster, not knowing how you would be able to deal with your newfound limitations. </p><p>     “You okay?” Sirius asked. </p><p>     “Stop asking me that,” you snapped, a little harsher than you had wanted. Sirius’ eyes flashed with hurt at your remark. </p><p>     “I’m sorry, (Y/N). I didn’t mean-”</p><p>     “No, I’m sorry,” you said, cutting him off. “I’m being rude. I know you’re trying to help, I’m just a bit frustrated.” </p><p>     Sirius reached over and grabbed your hand, squeezing it tightly and rubbing the back of it with his thumb soothingly. </p><p>     “Honestly, you have every right to be rude to us if you want, (Y/N). It’s the least we deserve,” James said quietly as Sirius nodded in agreement, both of them not able to meet your eyes. </p><p>     “That’s not true. You guys saved my life that night. I could’ve been killed, but you made sure that didn’t happen, and you brought me to the Hospital Wing yourselves. You even told Madam Pomfrey that you snuck into the Forbidden Forest. You could’ve been expelled for that, you know,” you explained, gratefulness filling your chest as you spoke and realized how lucky you were to have such loyal friends. </p><p>     You could tell neither James nor Sirius knew what to say, but lucky for them, the porthole opened at that moment and Peter climbed in, red in the face and clearly having just escaped a hefty scolding, likely by Madam Pomfrey. </p><p>     “Peter!” you exclaimed happily, forcing yourself to stand, wanting to thank him for the spectacle he had put on earlier. He walked over shyly and gave you a small hug before sitting in one of the armchairs clustered around the couch. </p><p>     “Hey Wormtail, you’re not a bad actor,” you complimented, grinning. “Even I was half convinced there were students dying in the greenhouse from Tentacula venom.” </p><p>     “Thanks, (Y/N). I’m glad you’re back,” he said meekly, managing to turn even redder. You gave him a small smile before turning back to James and Sirius. </p><p>     “So, how has Remus been? Terrible, I assume...how long has he been up in the dorm? Has he even been eating? Wait, does he even know that I’m awake? You guys have been taking care of him, right? Of course you have-” you started, your thoughts pouring out of your mouth a mile a minute. </p><p>     “Woah there love, slow down,” Sirius interjected. “He’s been up there the whole week, we’ve been bringing him plates of food as often as we can, and we’ve managed to get a few words out of him. It’s not good, though. I’m worried.” </p><p>     “He does know you’re awake,” James added. “We were up there when we were figuring out the plan with Wormtail. We didn’t get a lot out of him, though. I think he’ll feel a lot better once you talk to him.”</p><p>     You rubbed your hands together anxiously, your heart breaking at hearing about the state your friend was in, all because of you. You couldn’t bear to think of the pain he must be experiencing. You had to let him know that you were okay, that you forgave him, that you didn’t blame him. Deep down, you knew your words wouldn’t have much of an affect. Remus was stubborn and sure of his beliefs, especially the ones he held regarding his condition. </p><p>     “What do we do if talking to him doesn’t help?” you asked, fear clearly present in your voice. No one spoke for a few moments. </p><p>     “We keep trying,” Sirius said solemnly. “And trying, and trying, and trying. Until he realizes we’re not gonna leave him alone.” </p><p>     You glanced around at your group of friends, meeting each pair of eyes and seeing nothing but deep concern thinly veiled by artificial optimism. Everyone was unsure of what would happen. You let out another deep breath and closed your eyes, contemplating the best way to approach a conversation such as this. </p><p>     “Okay. I think I’m ready. Can you guys just make sure no one comes in while I’m up there? I think privacy would be best,” you said determinedly after a few moments.</p><p>     “Prongs and Wormtail can stand outside the porthole,” Sirius responded, giving a look to both of them that communicated he wanted a couple minutes alone with you. James and Peter stood up, each of them giving you an encouraging pat on the shoulder before stepping out and assuming their posts outside the Common Room. </p><p>     The silence that filled the room once they left was thick and heavy, and it almost felt as if you were suffocating. Sirius moved closer to you on the couch and put an arm around your shoulder, using his other hand to turn your head towards his. You met his gray eyes and couldn’t help but feel tears well up for what felt like the tenth time today. Your face reddened in embarrassment at seeming so weak and vulnerable, even in front of Sirius. He noticed your wet eyes and immediately wrapped you in a tight hug, rubbing your back as the tears began to flow freely down your face. </p><p>     “Shh...shh...it’s okay, my love. Everything’s gonna be okay. I’m here...I’m here,” he cooed gently as you attempted to control yourself. His voice calmed your racing heart and eased the sour ball of anxiety that had formed in your stomach. </p><p>     You pulled away, wiping your face with your sleeve and taking a few more deep breaths. Sirius’ arm remained firmly around your shoulder, holding you close. </p><p>     “I’m so worried about him, Sirius,” you choked, your voice breaking with emotion. </p><p>     “Me too, (Y/N). But I believe in you. And I believe in your ability to make everyone you talk to feel better, no matter what they’re going though. And you’re not doing this alone. You have me, and James, and even Peter. We’ll help him through this together.”</p><p>     You looked up at Sirius and met his eyes, and the look in them was so genuine you couldn’t help but feel slightly more hopeful. You sat in silence for a few moments, before realizing that if you didn’t go speak to Remus now, your courage would disappear, and you wanted to seem as strong and as normal as possible. </p><p>     “I’m ready,” you said fiercely. “For real this time.” </p><p>     Sirius helped you to the base of the staircase before turning to face you, taking your face in his hands and staring directly into your eyes. He leaned down and kissed you, except this time it was different. It was gentle, loving, as if he were afraid to hurt you. His lips lingered for a moment before pulling away and pressing his forehead against yours. </p><p>     “I believe in you, (Y/N). You’re stronger than I ever could be,” he said softly. He squeezed your hand one last time and turned away, giving you the most reassuring look he could muster before stepping out of the porthole to join James and Peter. </p><p>     You inhaled deeply and began your ascent to the boys dormitory, trying to figure out exactly what you could say to Remus to convince him he wasn’t an evil monster destined to end up killing everyone that he loved. </p><p>     You only hoped that you weren’t too late. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey everyone, long time no see! Contrary to what it may seem, I have not abandoned this story! I have no excuses except that college is hard. Right now I'm on winter break and I hope to bust out a few more chapters before I go back to school. I have big plans for this story in my head, and we'll get there eventually, haha. I wanted to thank you guys for the continued support on this story and for all the kudos and comments. They all mean so much to me and I'm happy that someone is enjoying my work at least a little bit. I'd love to know everyone's thoughts on this chapter, comments and criticisms are always welcome! :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Heartache</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     You paused for only a second outside the entrance to the dormitory, swallowing your worries and doing your best attempt at putting on a brave face. You knocked softly and waited for a response from within, but heard nothing. </p>
<p>     “Remus?” you called. “It’s me. Are you awake? I wanted to talk to you.” </p>
<p>     You heard movement, and after a few moments, approaching footsteps. You could sense his hesitation through the door. One last deep breath. This was it. </p>
<p>     The door opened slowly to reveal Remus Lupin, looking especially disheveled and worn out. Your heart broke as you drank in his appearance, your eyes landing on his unwashed hair, the dark circles around his puffy eyes, and the fresh injuries that decorated his face and neck. Before you could process anything else, you took a step forward and engulfed him in a tight hug. You attempted to communicate everything you wouldn’t be able to find the words to say in the gesture, and most importantly, show Remus that you weren’t afraid of him. </p>
<p>     You felt him stiffen under your touch, and you couldn’t help but notice how he seemed to have lost weight. Your injured arm was throbbing, but you concealed the pain as best you could, grateful that your long sleeves covered the bandages. </p>
<p>     After a few moments, you pulled away from the embrace yet kept your hands on Remus’ upper arms, keeping him close to you. His eyes remained turned towards the floor, refusing to meet your steady gaze. </p>
<p>     “Remus…” you started, your gentle voice filling the empty dorm behind him. The room was dark and unwelcoming, every curtain closed as tightly as possible and the scent of dirty laundry and stale alcohol drifting from within. </p>
<p>     “You shouldn’t have come,” Remus said flatly, his voice raw and hoarse. He pulled away from your grip and walked to his bed, leaning against the post with his back turned. As if he couldn’t even bear to look at you. </p>
<p>     You faltered with your words. You weren’t expecting him to be overjoyed to see you, but you weren’t expecting to be turned away either. You tried to remind yourself that this is how Remus dealt with things, by shutting everyone out. The words Sirius had said minutes earlier entered your brain. <em> We keep trying, and trying, and trying, and trying. </em>He was right, you wouldn’t give up so easily. </p>
<p>     “I wanted to see if you were okay...and to talk to you,” you said after a brief silence, taking a few steps into the room. “You...you were the first person I thought of. When I woke up, I mean.” </p>
<p>     “When you woke up from the coma <em> I </em>put you in?” Remus’ whispered words were choked, his voice full of bitter anger. Anger that you knew was directed towards himself, not towards you. You approached him slowly and placed a hand on his shoulder before continuing. </p>
<p>     “Remus, it <em> wasn’t </em>your fault-”</p>
<p>     He spun around, throwing off your grip as he did. You met his frantic eyes in the dim light. His face held a look of pure desperation, and a knot tightened in your stomach as you noticed his shaking hands. He looked almost hysterical, blindingly different from the level-headed and calm Remus you knew. </p>
<p>     “It <em>was </em>my fault. I practically killed you, (Y/N). You’re turned. Your life will never be the same because of me. Because of what I am. I would’ve rather died myself than let any of you be like...like me. I knew...I <em> knew </em>it was a bad idea the minute I came here...that I would end up hurting somebody. And that’s exactly what I’ve done.”</p>
<p>     He said his words through clenched teeth, as if each syllable caused him pain. Tears had begun to leak down his face, clouding his brown eyes that were empty of their typical warmth. You realized you had started to cry yourself as you took his hands in yours, strengthening your grip when he tried to pull away. </p>
<p>     “Remus,” you say firmly. “I love you. <em>I love you</em>. You are one of my best friends. I know the <em>real </em>you, Remus. You are so much more than your condition. You are kind, intelligent, compassionate, and brave. We would all be lost without you. No matter what you think, you haven’t ruined my life. </p>
<p>     "I’ll be okay as long as I have you, and Sirius, and James, and Peter. We <em>all </em>love you, Remus. I’m proud that I’ve been turned. I’m proud that it happened while I was protecting you, a good man who I love, and who I would <em> gladly </em> give up my life for.”</p>
<p>     Remus stared at the floor, processing your words. The silence was heavy, and you were scared to hear what he would say next. Everything you said came straight from your heart, but what if it didn’t make a difference? What if Remus stayed in this dorm for the rest of his life, getting torn apart by his own self-hatred? Your stomach churned at the thought. </p>
<p>     “Everything will change...I...I have to leave Hogwarts,” he said abruptly, still not looking at you. </p>
<p>     “What?” you asked, a sick feeling growing inside of you. “Did you hear what I said? We need you here, you can’t-” </p>
<p>     “That’s why I have to,” he finally pulled away from you and began pacing, running his hands through his hair. “None of you are safe here, not with me. It’s...It’ll be better this way.”</p>
<p>     “Remus! I-you can’t...you can’t just-”</p>
<p>     Remus stopped pacing and finally met your eyes, a new calm in his demeanor. “You should go,” he stated simply. Disbelief spread over you like an icy wave. He was serious. You approached him as he bent down and pulled his trunk from under his bed.</p>
<p>     “No.”</p>
<p>     “(Y/N)-”</p>
<p>     “No, Remus! I’m not-” you reached out and grabbed his shoulder again, urging him to look at you. </p>
<p>     “GO!” he shouted, his voice harsh and cold. You snatched your hand back as if he burned you. He had never used such a tone with you before.</p>
<p>     “Remus…” you pleaded, your voice breaking and your desperation growing. You had made everything worse. </p>
<p>     He paused before turning to you, his eyes wide and shining. “Please, (Y/N),” his voice was softer this time, almost gentle. He was begging you. You opened and closed your mouth a few times, willing yourself to say something, <em> anything</em>, but you knew there were no words that could help. You forced yourself to tear your eyes away from Remus and turn to the door, every step an effort. You paused before you stepped out, taking one last look into the dorm and at Remus frantically digging around in his trunk. </p>
<p>     “Just...just think about what I said,” you breathed before you clicked the door shut, your voice thick with tears. </p>
<p>     You leaned against the wall, wiping away the tears that ran down your face with your sleeves. You choked back sobs, every emotion that you had held down in the hours since you’d been awake hitting you at full force. Anger, for James’ and Sirius’ stupid prank. Regret, for not saying more to Remus, for not moving your arm before his powerful jaw clamped down on it. Sadness, for your broken friend and for yourself, for the life you all had that would never be the same. </p>
<p>     You couldn’t help but yell out, rushing forward and hitting the wall in front of you as hard as you could with your uninjured arm. Pain shot through your bones, but you hit the wall again. And again. The picture frames rattled, causing their occupants to throw you dirty looks. You let out a noise of exasperation and went down the stairs to the porthole as fast as your sore body could take you, wiping away tears as you went.</p>
<p>     You threw open the heavy door and stumbled out, pushing past the three boys still standing guard outside. </p>
<p>     “(Y/N)?” Sirius asked, his voice heavy with concern. You didn’t turn around, just continued limping away, not entirely sure where you were going. You heard a few stressed whispers being exchanged before one set of footsteps ran to catch up with you. You didn’t have to look to know it was Sirius. He walked beside you in silence for a few moments, keeping pace with your awkward gait. </p>
<p>     “Where are we going?” he asked lightly. </p>
<p>     “You’re going to the kitchens to get me some Firewhiskey.”</p>
<p>     “So...that bad, huh?” </p>
<p>     You looked up at him but didn’t respond, and even though there was a slight grin on his face, it didn’t meet his eyes. It was just there for your sake. </p>
<p>     “Listen, we’ll go somewhere to talk about it. Just you and me. Somewhere private. And I’ll get the Firewhiskey, just wait here. Don’t move, I'll be right back.” </p>
<p>     Sirius was already halfway down the corridor before you could respond. You leaned against the wall, massaging your arms, both of which were aching now. You silently cursed yourself for your outbreak in the dormitory hall, you had probably just made Remus feel worse. You replayed what had happened in your head until you had to stop, an overwhelming feeling of dread threatening to consume you. You realized you had to warn Sirius, tell him that Remus wanted to leave. You recalled the gleam of grim determination in Remus’ otherwise empty eyes and shuddered. </p>
<p>     After a couple of minutes of silence, you watched as Sirius came around the corner at the end of the corridor, panting and glistening with sweat, a bottle of amber-colored liquid in his hands. </p>
<p>     “The house-elves nearly ripped my skin off, but I got it!” he called as he approached. “I just probably shouldn’t go back there for a while.” </p>
<p>     “Sirius, I-I can’t explain right now, but Remus told me he was going to leave. Leave Hogwarts. He pulled his trunk out and everything. We need to tell James and Peter, we need to make sure he stays,” you managed to stay, stumbling over most of your words. </p>
<p>     Sirius' eyes widened at your declaration and he nodded once before racing back to the Common Room. You tried to follow, but you were much slower than him. He was back before you could even make it halfway. </p>
<p>     Sirius began to lead you away from the Common Room, keeping an arm firmly around your shoulder, the bottle of Firewhiskey still clutched in his other hand. </p>
<p>     “But…” you started. “Shouldn’t we stay? To make sure he’s okay?” </p>
<p>     “James and Peter will take care of it,” Sirius replied, his voice tight with poorly masked anxiety. “They’ll make sure he stays at least until we get back. You need to take care of yourself too, (Y/N).” </p>
<p>     "But-" you protested again, the ball of worry still clawing at your stomach. </p>
<p>     “No buts. It’s just me and you now, (Y/N),” Sirius cut you off gently. “We can talk about it if you want, but we don’t have to. It’s your choice.”</p>
<p>     You leaned into him, savoring his familiar warmth and smell. You breathed in deeply, wanting it to fill your lungs and calm the roaring sea that was currently raging inside of you. You walked in silence, in the calmness of Sirius’ embrace, as he led you to the Astronomy Tower. He kept a hand hovering behind you as you climbed the steps, patiently going at your pace. </p>
<p>     At the top, you basked in the fresh afternoon air and sunlight, the cool breeze filling the open space and soothing your tearstained cheeks. Since it was Saturday, the Tower was empty, the distant laughs and shouts of students by the lake floating up to your ears. </p>
<p>     Sirius took your hand and led you to the exact spot that you sat when you watched the meteor shower together. You smiled faintly at the memory, although it felt like years ago instead of weeks. </p>
<p>     As soon as you were sitting you took the Firewhiskey from Sirius’ grasp and popped it open, taking three big gulps before passing it back to him. You grimaced at the burn in your throat as it went down. </p>
<p>     You passed the bottle back and forth in silence for a few minutes, watching the clouds drift lazily by. With every swallow of the alcohol, the aches in your muscles subsided and the dull throb in your bitten arm lessened. When you felt collected enough to talk, you met Sirius’ gray eyes. You wished you could just sit here and stare into them forever. </p>
<p>     “I fucked up,” you said quietly. “I really fucked up.” </p>
<p>     “What happened?” </p>
<p>     You quickly recounted what you could remember from your talk with Remus, your hands shaking slightly by the time you were finished. Sirius took them in his, just as you had taken Remus’ earlier. You shook away the image as Sirius scooted closer to you on the stone floor. </p>
<p>     “I think that no matter what you said, he would’ve reacted that way. I think it’s worse than James and I thought...It’s my fault for sending you in there alone, for not preparing you enough. I’m sorry (Y/N)...for everything” the last part was said with such regret that you almost wanted to cry again. </p>
<p>     “Don’t apologize-”</p>
<p>     “I can’t apologize enough, (Y/N). I’ll never be able to. I won’t be able to apologize enough to Remus either. This is my mess and James’ mess, no one else’s. I should’ve tried harder with Remus before you were awake, I was just so sure he’d come around once you woke up…” Sirius trailed off, thinking as he stared off the Astronomy Tower at the sprawling grounds. </p>
<p>     “I’m scared he’s going to do something stupid,” you voiced. </p>
<p>     “Me too,” Sirius replied softly. </p>
<p>     You lifted the Firewhiskey to your lips and chugged the last few swallows, pleasant dizziness filling your head. Sirius moved to the closest wall and leaned against it, gesturing for you to join him. You obliged, nestling into his chest as he wrapped his arms around you. He planted a soft kiss on your forehead as he rubbed your upper arm soothingly. </p>
<p>     “We’ll figure it out, (Y/N),” he said so earnestly that you almost believed him. “We’ll be okay.” </p>
<p>     “I trust you, Sirius,” you said into his chest. </p>
<p>     His grip around you tightened, and you knew he still believed he didn’t deserve that trust. You weren’t lying, though.</p>
<p>     You let the alcohol and fresh air wash away your worries, savoring the moment with Sirius. You closed your eyes and allowed yourself to only focus on the way his body felt; the firmness of his chest, the circles he rubbed on your back with his hand. With everything else falling apart, you held onto the moment like it was a life preserver in an endless sea. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hello everyone! Thank you for sticking with this story and my wonky updates. This one hurt my heart to write, but unfortunately, it has to get a little worse before it gets better. As always, I appreciate every single read, kudos, and comment left so please feel free to share your thoughts and criticisms! :) Love you all!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Stay</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     You weren’t sure how long you and Sirius stayed at the top of the Astronomy Tower, just that by the time you left the sun was beginning to sink into the horizon and the sky was turning a blazing orange. </p><p>     “Do you want to go to dinner?” Sirius asked you as you made your way towards Gryffindor Tower. </p><p>     “No, not tonight, we need to check on Remus. Plus I should probably go see Dumbledore, I’m sure Madam Pomfrey has already popped a few blood vessels over my disappearance.” </p><p>     Sirius nodded, taking your hand in his and lacing your fingers together. </p><p>     “What are we doing?” you dared to ask, the effects of the Firewhiskey still pumping through your veins. You recalled how distant Sirius had become in the days before you were bitten, and how different his behavior was now. </p><p>     “What do you mean?” Sirius asked, his grip on your hand slackening a bit. </p><p>     You glanced down at your interlocked fingers in answer. </p><p>     “Oh,” Sirius said softly, letting go. “I’m sorry...I wasn’t thinking-”</p><p>     “No,” you said, cutting him off. “I just mean...I wouldn’t be asking if it wasn’t for my new...circumstances. Just that you don’t have to, you know, feel obligated to-”</p><p>     “(Y/N)!” a shrill voice called from the end of the corridor. You looked to see Professor McGonagall practically running towards you and Sirius. </p><p>     “Hi, Professor,” you said, although your stomach sank. You were going to go see Dumbledore yourself, but now you were caught as a Hospital Wing escapee, with Sirius as your accomplice. You cursed yourself for not remembering to bring James’ Cloak. </p><p>     “Where <em> have </em>you been?” McGonagall demanded, but her voice was laced with genuine worry. “We’ve been looking everywhere...no matter...you should come with me, dear. I think you should speak to the Headmaster.” </p><p>     You could do nothing but follow as McGonagall turned and started towards Dumbledore’s office. Sirius tried to come too, but quickly gave you a kiss on the cheek and darted away when McGonagall threatened him with detention and told him he was lucky she was letting him off with a warning. </p><p>     You struggled to keep up with the Professor’s pace, but forced yourself to walk as normally as possible. You didn’t know exactly why, but you didn’t want your teachers to see you in this weakened state. Eventually, you and McGonagall reached the Headmaster’s office, and you both stepped onto the moving stairs after McGonagall gave the password (<em>Sugar Quills</em>). </p><p>     Nerves chewed at your insides as you rode the ascending staircase, each rising inch making your stomach tighten more. Possible explanations crowded your mind, but you couldn’t think of one that would fool Dumbledore’s almost uncanny ability to see through lies. Your mouth became dry as the staircase reached the top, and you and McGonagall stepped off to face the door of the Headmaster’s office. She knocked sharply. </p><p>     “Come in,” Dumbledore’s deep voice called from inside. </p><p>     You kept your eyes turned towards the floor as you entered the spacious office, ignoring Dumbledore’s icy blue stare from where he sat at his desk. You risked a glance at Fawkes sitting proudly on his perch, and couldn’t help but give a small smile to the fiery bird as McGonagall began to speak.</p><p>     “I apologize for the unexpected visit, Headmaster, but I know you wanted to have a discussion with (Y/N). It seems she has returned from her mysterious disappearance from the Hospital Wing.” </p><p>     “Ah, yes. Thank you, Minerva. Could you send word to Poppy that our student has been recovered safe and sound? I hear she was in quite the hysterics.”</p><p>     McGonagall left the office with a curt nod, leaving you alone with Dumbledore and his heavy gaze. Standing in front of the Headmaster, you realized that you would have had a lot of difficulty coming up here yourself. Although admitting wrongdoing independently is still much better than getting caught. </p><p>     “Please (Y/N), come have a seat,” Dumbledore said gently, gesturing to one of the chairs in front of him. </p><p>     After sitting, you finally forced yourself to meet Dumbledore’s eyes. To your surprise, he didn’t look angry. Instead, his features displayed somberness. Your stomach tightened even more, but this time it was in fear for your friends. What if he saw your injury as testimony that a werewolf couldn’t be safely kept at Hogwarts, and he expelled you <em>and </em> Remus? Or what if you <em>all </em>get expelled, after James and Sirius’ stunt in the Hospital Wing?</p><p>     “Professor...I-” you began, still having no idea what you were going to say. </p><p>     “(Y/N)- there’s no need to explain. You and your friends are in no trouble for your little escapade. It was quite clever, if I do say so myself. Having the Pettigrew boy as a distraction? It’s very much like something I would’ve come up with when I was your age.” </p><p>     You opened your mouth to say something, his words taking a minute to process. Once they did, you just stared, mouth agape. Amusement twinkled in the Headmaster’s eyes. That’s not what you were expecting him to say at <em>all</em>.</p><p>     “But there is something more serious we need to discuss,” Dumbledore said, breaking the silence. The somber expression returned to his face. “I am aware of your friend Remus’ <em> condition</em>, as I prefer to call it, and have been since he began attending here. I am also aware of the extra steps that you and the others have taken to help protect him.”</p><p>     You felt your face pale. As he pinned you with a knowing look, you knew he was referring to you and the rest of the Marauders being illegal Animagi, but he seemed to brush over the subject as if the extra “steps” involved something as simple as nicking a Sleeping Draught. When you didn’t say anything, he continued. </p><p>     “Rest assured that I commend your dedication to your friends, as well as your unwavering loyalty. Perhaps you would’ve made a good Hufflepuff, (Y/N). Although it’s clear your bravery shines through. I’ve heard that you got that bite-” he gestured to your injured arm. “from saving a life.” </p><p>     “It...It was nothing, really-” you stammered nervously, your cheeks heating up. Dumbledore laughed softly, light dancing in his eyes. </p><p>     “Nothing! No need to be so humble, (Y/N)! I give you full permission to gloat if you so desire. Because of your bravery and willingness to throw yourself into danger for another student, I’m awarding you a Special Reward for Services to the School. You should be proud of yourself, (Y/N).” </p><p>     “Professor...I-I don’t know what to say-” you paused and took a breath, collecting yourself. The last thing you wanted was to look foolish in front of Dumbledore. “I only did what anyone else would’ve done.” </p><p>     “So you think! Unfortunately, not everyone has the strong moral sense that you and your friends possess. This brings me to my next topic. I’m guessing that you have already been told what that bite means for you?”</p><p>     “Yes, Professor. Sirius explained everything to me.” </p><p>     “I see. You seem remarkably calm for someone in your situation.”</p><p>     You couldn’t help but give a dry laugh. “I’m as surprised as you are, Professor.” </p><p>     “If you would like to shout and scream, I give full permission for that too. It would be perfectly understandable. Otherwise, I would like you to know that you will always be welcomed here at Hogwarts. The Shrieking Shack will remain as a refuge for you and your friends, with a few modifications, of course; now that it must endure the force of two werewolves.”</p><p>     Your heart soared at his words. He was letting you and Remus stay. Things would go back to normal, back to how they were before. You would figure out the technicalities of having two werewolves later, it didn’t matter as long as you were all together. </p><p>     “You may come to me whenever you wish, (Y/N). If you need advice, or help dealing with your condition, my door is open. I think we will need to have a discussion later about bringing reinforcements, so that no more danger will come to you or your friends during transformations. But that’s a chat for next month. </p><p>     “I believe I have covered the basics. I don’t want to keep you too long, I’m sure you are eager to go back to your own bed and other comforts. Do you have any questions for me?”</p><p>     “Does it hurt?” the childish question left your mouth before you could stop it. “The transformation, I mean.” </p><p>     Dumbledore looked at you keenly, and you could’ve sworn you saw a flash of pity in his eyes. That wasn’t a good sign. </p><p>     “I have heard that it is...uncomfortable. I think that is a question better suited for your friend Remus, who has experienced it before.” </p><p>     You nodded but didn’t reply, thinking about all the times you’ve watched Remus transform. It sure <em>looked </em>painful, and he was always out of commission for a couple of days after each full moon, needing to rest and sleep until he was back to normal. You had always assumed that Remus downplayed the effects that each transformation had on him, for the sake of you and the rest of the Marauders. Occasionally you had offhandedly wondered about what a transformation physically felt like, but you had never faced the reality of actually having to experience it yourself. </p><p>     “Any other questions?” Dumbledore asked, and you realized you had been spacing out. You shook your head, still wrapped up in your own thoughts. </p><p>     “Then I bid you goodnight, (Y/N). I shall see you soon, I hope.”</p><p>     “Thank you, Professor. Your support means a lot to me.”</p><p>     Dumbledore gave you a warm smile and Fawkes cooed his farewell as you stood and went towards the door. Before you opened it, you paused and turned back towards the Headmaster. </p><p>     “Could I ask one more thing, Professor?”</p><p>     Dumbledore bowed his head, giving you permission to speak.</p><p>     “It’s Remus. He’s...he’s really broken up about this whole thing. I’ve tried to talk to him, but-”</p><p>     “And you wish for me to have a talk with him instead, in hopes that my words may be more persuasive?”</p><p>     You nodded. </p><p>     “I would be happy to, (Y/N). As it seems, I have already sent him three owls requesting his presence in my office, but they don’t seem to be getting the response I desire. I’ll send another, and if he does not reply, I will go and see him personally.” </p><p>     “Thank you, Professor. I think he’d be more inclined to listen to you, as he respects you so much.” </p><p>     You said goodnight to Dumbledore and made your way back to Gryffindor Tower, lost in your thoughts. It was late, and the torches sent flickering orange light along the stone corridors. The early Autumn breeze whistled through the windows, causing a chill. You specifically didn’t mention Remus’ plans of leaving, as you didn’t want to get him into any trouble. This was something you could manage with the Marauders. Now that you were up, and now that Dumbledore was going to talk to Remus, he would come around eventually. Right? </p><p>     After giving the Fat Lady the password, you opened the porthole to find an empty Common Room, except for Sirius, who was asleep in front of the dying fire. A plate of sandwiches and a carafe of pumpkin juice sat on the table. </p><p>     Sirius jerked awake at your presence, and a sleepy smile graced his lips as he held out his arms for you. You returned the expression as you climbed onto the couch and snuggled into him.</p><p>     “How was it with Dumbledore?” he asked softly. </p><p>     “Weird,” you answered honestly. “He says we’re not in any trouble. And that he’s going to talk to Remus, to see if he’ll listen to him. How is he, by the way?” </p><p>     “Still here, which I suppose is the most important thing right now,” Sirius grimaced. </p><p>     You reached over and took his hand, squeezing it before bringing it to your mouth and placing a few light kisses on his knuckles. You hoped your gesture conveyed the message that you wanted it to, that the conversation you had begun earlier didn’t need to be finished now, or anytime soon. The look of pity in Dumbledore’s eyes when you asked if the transformation hurt kept flashing in your mind, and you didn’t think you could handle any more emotional turmoil tonight. Even if Sirius was acting so affectionate out of guilt, you could deal with that later. </p><p>     A chuckle escaped you as you thought about how many things you pushed to the back of your mind, to deal with <em>later</em>. Whenever this later came, you would definitely have a lot to handle. You pushed down the thought.</p><p>     “What’s so funny?” Sirius asked. </p><p>     “Nothing...are those for me?” you questioned, referring to the sandwiches and juice laid out on the table in front of you. </p><p>     “Yes. I thought you’d be hungry, since you skipped dinner.” </p><p>     You gave Sirius a grateful smile and took two sandwiches from the plate, eating them quickly. You hadn’t realized just how hungry you were. After you poured yourself a tall glass of pumpkin juice and chugged it down, you were feeling much better. </p><p>     “I asked him if it hurt,” you said quietly. </p><p>     “What do you mean?”</p><p>     “I asked Dumbledore if it hurt to transform.” </p><p>     “What did he say?”</p><p>     “Only that he’s heard it’s uncomfortable. And that I would be better suited asking Remus.” </p><p>     “Maybe it doesn’t hurt, maybe it just feels like turning into our Animagus forms. Remus has never said anything about it hurting.”</p><p>     “You know he wouldn’t though, even if it was the most painful thing in the world.”</p><p>     Sirius said nothing at that, and you knew that you were right and he was just trying to make you feel better. You sat in silence for a few moments, studying the smoldering embers of the fire. </p><p>     “I’m scared, Sirius,” you said, not meeting his eyes. You felt so vulnerable, but you needed to say it to someone. You needed <em>someone </em>to know.</p><p>     “I know you are, love...It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I wish I could take it away, (Y/N). I wish I could make it all better. More than anything.” </p><p>     You finally turned and met Sirius’ eyes, which were flooded with emotion. </p><p>     “I know you do, Sirius. And that’s enough for me. I’ll figure it out, I promise. Hey, you know Dumbledore gave me a Special Reward for Services to the School? Seems like I’m climbing the ranks, huh?” you abruptly changed the subject, not wanting Sirius to get upset. </p><p>     “Wow, I guess congratulations are in order. At this rate, you’ll be promoted to prefect soon enough.”</p><p>     You fake gagged at Sirius’ comment, eliciting a laugh from him. You missed this easiness.</p><p>     “I think I should head to bed,” you stated, as your eyelids were beginning to become heavy. “Thanks again for the food.” </p><p>     “Anytime, love. I’ll walk you to the stairs.” </p><p>     “I wish you could come up there with me,” you said as you stood at the bottom of the staircase to the girls’ dormitory. “Stupid slide charm.” </p><p>     “I’ll see you in the morning, okay? Don’t go to breakfast without me. And if Remus is feeling better tomorrow, you can come up to my bed.” </p><p>     “Okay,” you said, giving him a small smile. </p><p>     Sirius took your chin in his hand and tilted your head up so your eyes met. He opened his mouth to say something but seemed to decide against it, instead just pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. You realized that your conversation earlier had likely led him to believe he was overstepping his boundaries with his affections, but that wasn’t it at all. You didn’t even know exactly what you wanted him to do, but you knew you wanted <em>him</em>, in any way you could have him. </p><p>     Which is why you kissed him yourself, fierce and demanding. You put your hands on either side of his face and pulled him closer. He took it in full stride, one hand going to your waist and the other tangling itself in your hair. Your tongue slipped into his mouth, and he returned the gesture. It was a desperate, wild kind of kiss, one that leaves you wanting more. </p><p>     Your mind went numb, focusing only on the sensations. You broke away as the heat inside you became unbearable, and you knew that if you continued, you wouldn’t be able to stop yourself from letting him take you right there in the Common Room. </p><p>     “Goodnight, Sirius,” you said coyly, feeling satisfied as you took in Sirius’ flushed cheeks, his mussed hair, and his pink lips. That was how you left him, and you knew he was trying to control his own urges to take things further as you turned your back and walked up the stairs. </p><p>     In your dorm, you changed into your pajamas slowly to avoid hurting yourself and climbed into your bed, which had been empty for a week. As you curled up in the warm sheets, your mind began to drift. You shut down every thought that entered your mind about Remus, about his threat to leave Hogwarts, about your inevitable transformation. All you could do was replay the kiss with Sirius in your head, again and again, focusing on how it made you feel, until you fell into a fitful sleep. </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey guys! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! As always, thank you so much for all the continued support on this story. I'd love to hear any thoughts you have, and of course any criticisms. I'm not going to say when I hope the next chapter will be out, as life always gets in the way. But the plans for this story keep getting bigger in my head and I just want to write it all down at once! I hope whoever is reading this has a fantastic day, and I love you all! :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. A Dangerous Game</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     After spending the night tossing and turning, you finally decided to climb out of bed when the first rays of sunshine began to creep over the horizon and stain the sky a pale gold. Your eyes still heavy with exhaustion, you pulled your robes on and clambered down the stairs to wait until it was time for breakfast. </p>
<p>     This was going to be your first time seeing the rest of the student body since the accident, and you were not looking forward to entering the Great Hall and having to deal with everyone’s attention. Maybe you would tell them you became mute. Anything to avoid the interrogations that were sure to come. </p>
<p>     As you sat in front of the fire with a dewy morning chill blowing in from the open window, you couldn’t help but think of Remus. You pulled your knees to your chest and wrapped your arms around yourself, trying to ignore the dull throb in your head that was likely due to the Firewhiskey you had chugged yesterday. Maybe you would go and talk to him again today, ask him about Dumbledore’s letter. Yes, you would convince him to see Dumbledore yourself if he refused. You recalled the harsh tone Remus had taken with you, but you weren’t hurt by it. If anything, it made you more worried for him, Remus only let his emotions show so plainly when he couldn’t contain it any longer.</p>
<p>     Suddenly, you heard two pairs of footsteps practically trampling each other down the stairs. You turned, startled, to see Lily and Marlene running up to you before they both engulfed you in a tight hug. </p>
<p>     “(Y/N)! Mary told us you were back, but- well, we didn’t believe her!” Lily released her grip and plopped onto the couch, a radiant smile on her face. You couldn’t help but smile back as Marlene took a seat in the armchair nearby. </p>
<p>     “When we saw your bed was slept in, we knew she wasn’t lying,” Marlene grinned. “We missed you, it’s been boring this past week.” </p>
<p>     “I missed you guys too,” you said. </p>
<p>     “What happened? Were you ill? We asked Sirius to tell us a hundred times, but he refused to say anything,” Lily asked gently, her face filled with worry, eyes darting to the bandage still wrapped around your arm. </p>
<p>     “I just had, uh...an accident,” you stammered, not expecting to have to come up with a story so quickly. “We all snuck out to the Forbidden Forest to get drunk, and I got attacked by some beast. I’m still not really sure what it was, none of us got a good look at the thing. I’m fine though, just a small bite. I’ll be good as new in a couple of weeks.” </p>
<p>     “Oh, (Y/N)!” Lily threw her arms around you once again. “That must have been so scary! You could’ve died! I’ll kill those stupid boys for letting you get hurt like that.” </p>
<p>     “It wasn’t their fault, really! And I’m fine, it’s just a scratch-” you were cut off by the sound of Sirius, James, and Peter coming down the stairs.</p>
<p>     Lily spied the three boys and threw them a poisonous look, crossing her arms and making a show of sticking her nose up at them. Marlene behaved similarly. </p>
<p>     “We’ll see you later, (Y/N). Let us know if you ever need to get away from any <em>friends </em>who try to get you killed in the woods,” Lily declared, leaving the Common Room with Marlene close behind her. </p>
<p>     “Jeez, who spit in <em> her </em>pumpkin juice?” Sirius asked, laughing and taking a seat next to you. </p>
<p>     “What did we do?” James asked, looking slightly more dismayed at Lily’s coldness than Sirius or Peter. </p>
<p>     “They’re just worried about me,” you said, lightly slapping Sirius on the arm. “Why didn’t you make up some story about how I was ill with Dragon Pox or something?”</p>
<p>     “Well, we didn’t know what you wanted to tell people. Now that you’re conscious though, what’s the official story?” Sirius asked.</p>
<p>     “That we went to the Forbidden Forest to get drunk and something attacked me out of nowhere. And that we still don’t know what it was. That’s as specific as we need to get.” </p>
<p>     “Perfect. My little liar.” </p>
<p>     You rolled your eyes at Sirius’ attempt at flirting. After a lapse of silence, you asked what you knew everyone was thinking.</p>
<p>     “How’s Remus?” </p>
<p>     “The same,” James sighed. “He won’t talk to any of us.” </p>
<p>     “Dumbledore told me he was going to visit him. Do you think that’ll help?” </p>
<p>     “We can only hope,” Sirius replied, although you noticed he didn’t sound very hopeful at all. </p>
<p>     You and the rest of the Marauders spent the day by the lake. You figured that Remus hadn’t replied to Dumbledore’s owl, and you wanted to leave him and the Headmaster their privacy to talk. Although you attempted conversation, Remus’ absence was heavily felt, and every laugh felt slightly forced. The worry hung around your group like a thick cloud, snuffing out the usual joy you felt when surrounded by your friends. </p>
<p>     You were about to suggest that you make your way inside so you had time to talk to Remus before dinner, but before you could open your mouth Lily came sprinting towards where you sat under the Birch tree. </p>
<p>     “Guys! You have to come quick!” she cried, sounding frantic. </p>
<p>     “What’s the matter?” you asked, fear creeping into your chest. </p>
<p>     “It’s Remus. He just...left! I swear I tried to stop him, but he wouldn’t even look at me. Something’s wrong with him.” </p>
<p>     You exchanged a glance with Sirius, and the alarm was clearly visible on his face. It only took a moment for everyone to get to their feet and run after Lily, who was already racing to the Entrance Hall. </p>
<p>     You ignored every perplexed stare from other students as you bolted past, and prayed that you didn’t run into Filch on your way. When you reached the Entrance Hall, you pulled the giant door open as fast as you could and raked your eyes over the grounds, looking for any movement that could be Remus. Sirius, James, and Peter did the same, all of you desperately searching for a clue about which way he went. </p>
<p>     “Do you see anything?” Lily asked. </p>
<p>     “Nothing,” Sirius replied. “Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!” </p>
<p>     You reached over and grabbed his hand, giving it a tight squeeze. He needed to relax, even if you felt like screaming too. How could Remus do this?</p>
<p>     “What the <em> hell </em>do we do now?” James demanded. </p>
<p>     “Tell Dumbledore or McGonagall,” Peter suggested, and Lily nodded in agreement. </p>
<p>     “They’re Professors, they can go after him,” she said. </p>
<p>     “He’ll get expelled!” Sirius cried, still keeping a tight hold on your hand. </p>
<p>     “Dumbledore’s understanding only goes so far,” James concurred.</p>
<p>     “What is going on? What happened to him? Why would he just <em> leave</em>?” Lily cried, and you realized that she didn’t understand why Remus had been in his dorm for a week. </p>
<p>     “It’s complicated,” you said. </p>
<p>     “What do you mean, <em>complicated</em>?” </p>
<p>     “I’m sorry Lily, we can’t tell you.”</p>
<p>     “Well, if you won’t tell Dumbledore, then I’ll tell him myself!”</p>
<p>     “Wait! Lily, please don’t! Let us look for him first. If we can’t find him, we’ll tell Dumbledore. I promise.” </p>
<p>      Lily gave you an evaluating stare, as if deciding what to do. </p>
<p>     “Fine. Only because I trust you, (Y/N). If you let her get hurt again-” she gave each of the boys a piercing look. “-you’ll have me to answer to.” </p>
<p>     At that, she turned and walked away. The boys gave you a wary glance, and you shrugged. </p>
<p>     “She won’t tell, I know she won’t,” you assured them. </p>
<p>     “Let’s start looking, he can’t have gone far,” James said. </p>
<p>     The four of you split up and ran the perimeter of the grounds, shouting Remus’ name and various pleas for him to return. You had been at it for hours and had circled the edge of the Forbidden Forest for the fifth time when Sirius approached, sweat dripping down his tense face. </p>
<p>     “Anything?” he inquired. </p>
<p>     “Nothing,” you answered, panting from the exertion. </p>
<p>     “Fuck, (Y/N). What the fuck are we going to do?” </p>
<p>     “Maybe we <em>should </em> tell Dumbledore.”</p>
<p>     “It’s too late now. We should’ve said something before.”</p>
<p>     “You’re right.”</p>
<p>     “We have to go after him, (Y/N).” </p>
<p>     You looked up at Sirius, his gray eyes shining in the receding light. He looked so worried, and you knew your face held a similar expression. You reached up and tucked loose strands of hair behind his ears before placing your palm against his cheek. He leaned into it, pressing soft kisses onto your palm as he raised his hand to hold it against yours. </p>
<p>     “I know we do,” you said, nearly whispering. </p>
<p>     Sirius pulled you towards him, wrapping his arms around you and resting his chin on the top of your head. You breathed deeply, savoring the scent of him and the feeling of his warm arms around your body. It felt safe. </p>
<p>     “I promise I won’t let you get hurt again, if that’s what you’re worried about,” he mumbled into your hair. </p>
<p>     “It’s not,” you answered quickly. “Not at all. It’s just...how are we going to find him? He could be anywhere.” </p>
<p>     “We’ll find him. We know him best.” </p>
<p>     “We have to, before the…” you trailed off, not wanting to say the rest because of what it meant for you as well as Remus. </p>
<p>     “Before the next full moon?” Sirius suggested.</p>
<p>     “Yes. That.” </p>
<p>     You and Sirius broke your embrace, but he kept both of your hands held tightly in his. </p>
<p>     “I swear to you, (Y/N), we will find him. And when the full moon happens, I’ll be by your side the whole time. Whatever you have to face, you won’t be facing it alone.” </p>
<p>     Sirius touched his forehead to yours, and you closed your eyes. You’re not sure how long you stood like that before stepping back, but you enjoyed every second. Your mind was able to take a break from the racing thoughts and the nightmare scenarios that had flitted through your mind as you scoured the grounds for Remus. </p>
<p>     “Let’s get James and Peter, and we can regroup,” Sirius said. </p>
<p>     You nodded and followed him up the hill towards the castle. The sun had already begun to set, and brilliant blues and oranges flowed across the sky. You almost laughed at the irony of such a beautiful sunset on such a terrible day. </p>
<p>     Soon, you and the Marauders were in the boys’ dormitory. The corridors and Gryffindor Tower had been empty when you came inside, as everyone was at dinner. You and Sirius sat on Remus’ bed, Peter perched on the windowsill, and James paced back and forth across the length of the room. You had been discussing plans for 20 minutes, but you still hadn’t worked out many details past leaving Hogwarts. </p>
<p>     “So we go after him,” James said. “And then what? Where would we even look? What if we find him, and he <em> still </em>refuses to come back?”</p>
<p>     “He won’t. Once he sees how much we care, he’ll come back,” Sirius replied. </p>
<p>     “We’ve shown him how much we care! That’s all we’ve been doing! A fat lot of good that’s done.” </p>
<p>     “He thinks he’s a monster,” you said. “That’s why he left. Because he’s scared he’ll hurt one of us again. We don’t need to show him we care, we need to show him that he’s not diseased."</p>
<p>     “How will we do that?” James demanded. His nerves were clearly shot.</p>
<p>     “No idea.” </p>
<p>     “We still have to go,” Sirius said matter-of-factly. </p>
<p>     “What if we all get expelled?” Peter squeaked from where he sat in the corner. </p>
<p>     “So what?” Sirius asked sharply. </p>
<p>     “I mean, it’s just- we’ll have no place to go, we’ll-”</p>
<p>     “I don’t care! I’d willingly get thrown in Azkaban for any one of my friends. Getting expelled means nothing if we find Moony. And what if he’s already due to get expelled himself for this little stunt? We can’t let him live out there on his own. If one of us gets expelled, we all do.” </p>
<p>     Sirius looked to you and James for support. You both nodded in agreement. </p>
<p>     “So which is it, Wormtail? Are you truly our friend or not?” Sirius spat. Peter said nothing. </p>
<p>     “Get out then,” Sirius demanded coldly, standing and pointing to the door. When Peter didn’t move, he said it again, yelling this time. </p>
<p>     Peter jumped at the rage in Sirius’ voice and quickly scurried to the door. </p>
<p>     “If you breathe a single <em>word </em>about anything, I’ll make you a dirty little rat forever, Wormtail. Keep your mouth shut, you <em>coward</em>!” Sirius shouted as the door slammed behind Peter. </p>
<p>     Sirius’ chest was rising and falling rapidly, you could tell he wanted to chase after Peter and use a few choice spells on him. You approached him and placed a hand on his shoulder and led him back to the bed so he could sit. </p>
<p>     “Forget him,” you said softly. “We don’t need him anyway.”</p>
<p>     “Damn right,” Sirius growled. “Fucking <em> coward</em>.” </p>
<p>     “It’s decided then,” James said. “We’re going. And we’re leaving tonight. Everyone start gathering your things.” </p>
<p>     You left James and Sirius to pack whatever they could carry in their knapsacks, and you went to your dorm to do the same. The Common Room was still empty, although you looked to see if Peter was around. He wasn’t, and you felt a pang in your chest. How did your closest group of friends become so divided? </p>
<p>     You shoved a few changes of clothes and some necessities into your bag before taking out a piece of parchment and your quill to scrawl a quick note to Lily.</p>
<p>
  <em>     Lily- </em>
</p>
<p><em>          James, Sirius, and I have gone to find Remus. I promise we are </em> <em>being safe. </em></p>
<p><em>          I’ll send you a letter the next time I can, just to let </em> <em>you know that I’m okay. </em></p>
<p><em>          We’ll be back in three weeks no matter </em> <em>what happens. Unless we get expelled, </em></p>
<p><em>          and in that case thank </em> <em>you for being such a good friend to me. Let Marlene know too.  </em></p>
<p><em>          I hope I’ll see you soon, and please don’t tell anyone where </em> <em>we’ve gone.  </em></p>
<p>
  <em>                                                                                                       -(Y/N) </em>
</p>
<p>     Leaving the note on Lily’s bed and satisfied that it would quell her worries enough to prevent her from running to the teachers, you rushed back to where James and Sirius were waiting for you in the Common Room. </p>
<p>     “Ready?” Sirius asked. </p>
<p>     You nodded, and James threw his Invisibility Cloak over the three of you, which was barely able to conceal the broomstick that was strapped to his back. </p>
<p>     You made your way through the corridors, where students were milling about after dinner and chatting before going back to their Common Rooms for the night. You envied their peacefulness and lack of werewolf-related problems. </p>
<p>     “We’re stopping at the kitchens for some provisions first,” James whispered. </p>
<p>     Sirius waited outside under the Invisibility Cloak, as he thought the house-elves would still be upset about the Firewhiskey he nicked. You and James packed your bags full with flasks of pumpkin juice, a couple of loaves of bread, some fresh fruit, and a few small cakes given to you eagerly by a dozen chirpy house-elves. After thanking them profusely, you and James returned to the corridor with exceptionally heavier bags. </p>
<p>     “All set?” Sirius asked. </p>
<p>     You gave Sirius a thumbs up and your group of three headed to the fourth floor, where there was a passage to Hogsmeade. If all went to plan, you would find a place to sleep for the night before beginning your real search right as the sun came up. You only encountered Filch once, and luckily were able to escape his notice by flattening against the wall until he meandered past. </p>
<p>     On the fourth floor, Sirius moved the mirror that concealed the passage and held it open until all three of you had gotten inside. Once it was safely closed, you pulled the Cloak off and lit up your wand with a <em> Lumos </em>charm. You all looked at each other in the dim light. </p>
<p>     “This might be the last time we see Hogwarts,” Sirius said solemnly. </p>
<p>     “But we’re doing it for Remus,” you said. </p>
<p>     “For Remus.”</p>
<p>     “For Remus,” James repeated.</p>
<p>     With your pledges echoing through the empty passageway, you and your friends turned away from Hogwarts and into the darkness. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hello everyone! As always, thank you so much for your support and for reading my story. It means the world to me! I love to hear everyone's thoughts or criticisms, so feel free to leave a comment! This one was fun to write, and I can't wait to keep going with this. I love you all and I hope you have an amazing day! :) &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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